


Grace

by SignsTimeMemory



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: Angst, F/F, Flaritza season 6, Post Season 5, Sad Harlem Feels, Separation Anxiety, Separations, hurt almost no comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-11-14 03:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 26,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11199426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignsTimeMemory/pseuds/SignsTimeMemory
Summary: Lots of thoughts of love,fear and also regrets as Flaca and Maritza have to deal with the blow of being torn apart from each other.





	1. To build a home

**Author's Note:**

> Fixing up the lack of Flaritza fic,and trying to deal with our two babies being separated ='(  
> Bear with me,I had to pause a few times before getting to the end of it...so I apologize for eventual mistakes,and hope I managed to channel their feels.

She realized the mistake when it was too late.

She had broken a vow she had made long ago...to always be with her.

When all was said and done those three words had still tasted bitter for her.

That was the point of no return.

In the little world they had built,where the abuses of prison would be pushed away in the corner of their minds and there was no room for hate,or pain,there had seemed to be no way to shatter the calm. The peace they had built for as long as they had been together.

Even the Riot had given them a chance to find happiness and do something they liked.

They had left negotiations to others to find some quiet and be by themselves.

Maritza should've known such a thing couldn't last so long,not even for that little world they had caringly built up everyday,nevermind what others might think.

She realized only when she was sitting in that bus,that the biggest mistake had been never believing it could be shattered.

There had been no such thing,because they had never considered being apart when and if it had fallen to pieces,and they had been forced to build it back from nothing. They would've always ended up doing it together.

There had never been an "I".

Ever since she had met Marisol,there had always been a "we";and the truth was that...she didn't know how to be just an "I",because her own self scared her at times.Her own self had been capable of landing herself in prison,and screwing up what had been up till 'then.

Her blessing had been to meet Flaca,and ever since then that sweet girl who was pretty far from having chosen the prison path,had become her everything.

Marisol might have been the sweetest part of her,but still...sitting there...Maritza couldn't imagine her being the one to give up.

In truth,she was the one to be afraid she might not know how to live without her by her side,cause by then she had gotten used to her other half being there with her.

She couldn't sleep if Flaca wasn't across from her or sleeping safe in her arms.

She couldn't imagine waking up to eyes different from her's,different faces,a different place.

She couldn't imagine not waking up to her laughter,because after all she was still the taller of the two,and Maritza would end up sinking her face in her long raven hair,and tickling her neck.

Maritza remembered during one of those hard times how Flaca had painted tears to her eyes through make up.

She would've given anything for those to not become real,so much she'd rather be  the one to cry than watch her do so...but tonight those tears had come true,and she hadn't been able to do anything to stop them or dry them and make it better.She had screamed those three words...made sure Flaca could hear them,could truly understand what they meant..but there had been no way to be able to take way the pain which had settled into her beautiful eyes.

If she had been brave enough...if she had been strong enough...she would've faced all those guards.

Maritza had just failed once again...failed to do something when it mattered,and fuck those guards...fuck the buses,she should just come down and taken her away from this mess and given her the life she deserved.

She wasn't perfect,but for Flaca she would've tried her hardest.

 

Truth was...she had wasted time.

There was hardly no memory,either good or bad of her time in Litchfield, which didn't include Flaca being there for her and otherwise.

There would've been many to fill her days when she had woken up cold and lonely in a prison that didn't feel like home.

She had wasted so much time,thinking there would've been enough to admit out loud to her best friend how she felt. They would've talked,she would've said that ever since Marisol had come in her life,she had made it better,and that if she wanted they could've tried.

There would've been a time for looks of desire,and kisses,and even dates,though prison didn't make them easy to be organized.

There would've been a time to imagine something beyond that,get back to happy thoughts,wishful thinking,even if their future was a big question mark.

Plenty of time to tell the other woman that as unexpected as she had been,their own brand of love meant everything to her.

Maritza wouldn't have had to look from the sidelines anymore,she would've been able to tell her girl,everyday,how much of a gift she had been to her. 

Now sitting in that bus...she couldn't stand up,move...she couldn't even breathe.She wouldn't dare to raise her head up.

The unshed tears stinging in her eyes were proof of the failure. There was nobody by her side,even surrounded by many other inmates,she still felt alone.

At times she had been made fun of,or hadn't been understood...but she had never been alone,there had always been someone else to ground her and make her feel safe.

None of those sitting around her was the half that completed her. None of them the woman she loved and cared for. None of them was Flaca.

Maritza Ramos was watching it all fall apart without any power to fix it.

Letters could've never made up for all she wanted to say,for the missed chances,and the things she hadn't said or done.

 They could've only been a wet constant reminder of her regrets,if she had never been able to see Marisol again.

But bittersweet tears would've marked all of them as her personal punishment.

They had been told there was no returning to Litchfield,that was it.

No saving grace would come to their aid at that point. The seat just by her side,the one by the aisle, would've stayed empty,as she lost everything that mattered to her.

She didn't care if the guards had a problem with it,but curled up into herself and looked outside with melancholy,as her eyes kept on stinging,from the tears and the dust which had fallen on those after that shot.

Just like them,she didn't care if she had gone blind at that point.

She had wasted it all.

Time had just run out for them.

* * *

 

On the other side Flaca couldn't keep still.

They couldn't take this away from her.

She kept looking around herself,hoping she could've still caught a glimpse of Maritza in the other bus.

But between the darkness,and the tears she couldn't even seem to focus.

Flaca feared the unknown.

She didn't want to be alone.

She didn't want to be apart from her half.Not now that she had finally realized the true extent of her feelings for her best friend.

Flaca had meant to say it back,she really had.

Those three words,that "I love you" which had been waiting to come out for a long time,were right there ready to be said,but when she had voiced it,and Flaca had dared to hope the other woman meant it the way she herself meant it,she hadn't been able to say them back.

They had gotten stuck in her troath.

Flaca didn't want to say goodbye,and she refused to say it because they were being torn apart from each other.

Even if they had been told they were not coming back to Litchfield,she couldn't just like that...

She knew what Maritza must be feeling,and now she regretted not saying it back,but if she had....there would've been a finality to it.

It would've been like saying goodbye,forever.

Even if they had written to each other,even if they had found a way to communicate,none of those could've shown how much she truly loved her,and how grateful she was to have found her.

What had happened on Valentine's day,that single kiss they had shared,had stirred up things and feelings and sensations she had never felt,and they were so great because she had finally realized what they were and now so painful and deep to feel the more the separation came close,that she couldn't sit still.

Flaca tapped her foot on the floor nervously,as the handcuffs digged into her wrists,leaving burning red marks.

She wanted to believe they could've found their way back to each other,she couldn't give up.

Any other day,somebody could've tapped on her shoulder and told her to stop and she was annoying,and crying on spilt milk,but on that night she could hear no talking,there was almost no noise to be heard around her. Some were facing it with stoicism,some she couldn't avoid mirroring into.

The prison had been reduced to a silent shadow she could barely see from the window.

It reflected more or less her mood.

They had left things all around the same morning,half in a chaos...now all those things were lying in there,and she knew there was no way they could've been recovered.

It had been their own chaos,the one to make sure prison could've never dumped their spirits.

Flaca felt like she had left a lot of herself in there as well.

A part of her was still roaming around to not let go of all the memories which had been made,and also to forget Maritza's screams when they had been caught.

She hadn' been able to think of her own pain.

As much as she was roughly being pushed against glass,she couldn't think of anything else,but the woman she had finally realized to be in love with,howling and crying because of that dust.

She feared there might have been damage,and she couldn't have been there for Mari as she deserved her to be.

In that moment Flaca felt as alone as she had been on her first day.

As soon as they had pulled out of Litchfield,out of the place where they had met, their life together would've been shattered,her heart itself would've been shattered under the wheels of that bus.

As long as they had been there,waiting for that engine to roar to life,she could still have had Maritza close to herself,even if she couldn't hug her,or finally kiss her the way she would've liked to.

Marisol could've still pretended they were just a room or mere meters away from each other.

Once the last inmates,all people she and Maritza knew and had been around to,had been brought in to join them,it would've been over.

The last of the riot would've fallen. The last of their demands,of wishes and maybe even dreams.

They would've been miles away,not knowing where the other was.

There could've been no letters,because nobody would've told her where Maritza was.

There would've been no mercy in new judgements,they would've been lost in the nets of "justice";the riot would've been enough to make sure that was what would happen.

Her feet urged her to stand up,and do it for real,and look that Swat guy in the eyes,as far as he was,and challenge him.

Just try.

They had made each other stronger. Many times Maritza had protected her,made her feel safe...it was her time to be the strong one.

It was time,for Marisol Gonzalez,to be the one to try fighting.

"Sit back down,inmate"

The order fell on deaf ears as she stepped  forward.

He went the same way,and was soon standing tall in front of her.

"Sit back down,right now."

He pushed her back down forcefully,and lunged at her.

The guard managed to land a blow on her,but Flaca had enough time to move against the window of the seat besides her,before he could keep on going.

She really wouldn't know what stopped him from trying for more,the way they had done to other inmates,but he didn't.

He left kicking nervously the other sit,as she cowered more into the one by the window. The one which had been empty up till a few minutes before.

She let her head lean on the window,and that was when that single sound shattered her heart.

Flaca couldn't stop the new tears from falling,nor could she stop herself from begging for the only person who could've made it better.

"Maritza"

Then no other word,but a hard time breathing from all those tears,as the bus slowly left Litchfield.

There it was...she had wasted her last chance.

She hadn't been strong or brave enough. Now that chance was gone.

Time had just run out for them.

 

 

 


	2. Where is the love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following up their separation Flaritza have to deal with the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked to continue and with great pleasure I accept,it's great to know Flaritza means so much to so many. =)

When Maritza woke up the sight still hadn't changed.

It was as disappointing and grey as it had been the day?week?before...she didn't even know anymore.

Where they had been brought everybody knew them by now. Some respected them,some feared them,but she didn't know anything beyond that. Just that people must have known quite a bit by now.

None of them had gone through the normal process when entering the new prison.

They had all been checked out,felt up,but it was clear they were distrustful.

They had no time to deal with rioters.

SHU had been the only option and solution to them. An option which she hoped they hadn't even thougth about when it came to Flaca.

In the time she had spent in Litchfield,Maritza had only heard stories about it.

She had heard of people never getting out of it,screaming for help which would've never come.

Of people who had lost their minds and never come back up the same.

She had watched their eyes go a little bit darker.

Solitary had carved holes in their minds,into their souls.

They had missed on entire days of their lives,on those they cared for,on chances.

They had lost their prison job and their stuff. What few they had left and they had held onto with jealousy 'till before going to Seg.

Maritza had never truly even been able to imagine what it must have felt like,but she had been a silent watcher of a pretty unforgivable system.

Now she really had nothing to go for...everything she had had been left in Litchfield.

In time,the young latina had watched them cart off lots of people she knew from around,down to Max for a certain period of time...and luckily it had never been her.

After the first days,however, she had truly given up. 

What was the point?Even if there had been a big trial,Maritza was pretty sure they were gonna be in for a very long time.No sense in wishing for something that could've never happened. Hoping for a freedom,which would've never come.

It was in those moments that she missed Flaca the most.

The qualities,the little quirks...just the whole Harlem when lights went out and she could focus on the form on the other bed across from hers,when the rays of the moon would shine through the big windows in the dorms.

The sparkle of mischief when they were about to do something not exactly allowed,and meant to follow the rules.

Or just the usual rythm of their daily life.

A little repeated circle,surrounded by a hurricane of wishes,and hopes and living it out as much as they could've although being in a prison.

She remembered...

Flaca had been a deep sleeper. Once she touched her bed,Maritza could've sworn nothing would've woken her up.

She had watched her  chest rise and fall,every night and then fallen asleep herself to the sound of her steady breaths.

She could've sworn her own heart was bursting out of her own chest at times,as Flaca slept with a hand under her cheek,slightly chubbier as she tried to find the right position to sleep comfortably.

The night following the moment everything changed,right after Poussey had been killed, Maritza had felt transfixed by the movement more than any other time this had happened.

In a way she had felt grateful she still had Flaca by her side.

It was not like she had felt detatched from the event,Maritza had watched it unfold to a certain degree,but she could've never stood being into either the Suburbs or the Ghetto for too long.

The whole prison had been in mourning.

And if she had stayed in there for more than necessary,Maritza knew she would've been swallowed by their darkness,and so would've Flaca.

Maritza felt so alone.

Every hour stretched for miles,it seemed to last for centuries.

How had Chapman dealt for a month last christmas?

How had Nichols even dealt for just two weeks in Seg?...How had she pulled off three months of Max without dying?

How had they held on when Maritza could barely breath by then?

One day more and she knew she would've lost her mind.

She was not strong...she was not strong enough.

SHU was a torture to the mind...every moment was a regret she could think about. A left turn she should've taken rather than a right one,or viceversa.

The things she had done,or not.The things she had said,or not. 

Up till the daughter she loved but whose life she didn't know how to be a part of.

Maybe the point was that she was afraid.

Of screwing up that one thing as well.

Daya had a baby girl....a girl she would've probably never seen again.

What use was she to that child?

So between a regret and the other she could do nothing but lying still,trying to understand where she had started getting it wrong.

And that was why she couldn't avoid lying on the dirty floor and wondering if up there they had forgotten about her,or them in general.

If the riot had done more damage than good.

Cause she was aware of one thing....none of their demands had been met. She was sure of it,the days which had gone by had been enough to show her.

But one thing she knew was...she couldn't lose her mind.

Maritza couldn't efford it.If she had done so,who would ever known how much she loved Flaca? Who would've told her?Who would've told her how beautiful her broken smile was?

It needed to be her,now or in 10 years,or in another life,but losing her mind wasn't an option.

Still she made no effort to stand up,or make a sound...

Where words or screaming failed her,Maritza hoped  her tears and tortured thoughts would've been loud enough to be heard by Flaca. Wherever,and whenever she was.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Mari has ended up in her new prison's Seg,but what has happened to Flaca in the meantime?Stay tuned for chapter 3.


	3. Landslide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> States afar Flaca is not doing any better,while Maritza can't seem to get away from her regrets.

States away it just was no better for Flaca than it was for Maritza.  
They had been crammed into the new prison like sardines,in a far worse way than Litchfield,and she had already watched several of her fellow inmates be brought down to SHU,mostly girls who had been at the front of it,making demands and things like that.  
Even using all the imagination she couldn't understand how she hadn't ended up in there yet,but she was sure it solely had to do with the fact that they were already full,and there was no room down there for her,as well.

All the inmates from Litchfield had been locked inside of the same dorm.

There were bunks everywhere,and Flaca was sure that if there had been a problem they were already set up to die,cause there would've been no time to reach the door.

Everyday they would've to climb upon each other like animals to get to the other side.

No matter how well she knew the people in there or not,she was still a bit grateful they were there,and they were familiar faces.

The rumors,apparently,had turned out to be true.

The methheads had burnt all the records.

Even with a pc backup it would've taken them ages to figure out who they were and what they were in for,and if they were at fault for anything that had happened during the riot.

Fear settled in the pit of her stomach.

She and Maritza had streamed the whole thing. Shared pictures and videos of the prison on the web.

Was that even a crime?Was it something they could've been charged for?Did anybody even know or even care where they were?

Flaca was aware that people had tried to talk to her,tried to make her feel better,but she couldn't avoid pushing them all away everytime.

She sat on the only empty corner of the room looking around without a care in the world.

She didn't want anybody to bother her,but she could've truly used Gloria's help at that moment.

Reasonably she was aware that Gloria wouldn't have come. 

The last ten had been caught,but she realized now that none of them had been made to climb on any of the two buses,and they had probably ended up having it even worse than them,because of the fact that they had hidden.

They had been brought somwhere else,probably Max,and Flaca hadn't even noticed.

Her mind was so fucked up she hadn't even realized whatever was happening on that night.

The only thing she could think about now was the crossroad they were at.

She had the distinct feeling that they were nothing but burdens now,meant to be left adrift as they tried to grip onto something which wasn't there anymore.

If they somehow cared before,now they really didn't anymore.

Maritza was a constant in her mind,but she wouldn't have wanted to be there..to be herself..once she had started...

What if she had started forgetting?

She wasn't sick,she wasn't blind or deaf or anything...but she was scared of forgetting the simplest of things.

Everything the other woman had been to her....

Flaca was afraid of forgetting Maritza's brightness.

* * *

 

"You don't look like yourself,Mari"

She knew...she knew she was going crazy.

Hell...she couldn't stop the voices...

Seg had finally brought her down.

Maritza looked at the woman kneeing before her,as she trembled on the floor.

Flaca was dressed up the same way she had been when she had seen her for the last time.

"You're not here...you're not here...you're not true."

"You're really not yourself when you're starving."Laughed out her hallucination with a hint of sadness to her eyes.

Her own had stopped stinging for days now,even if Maritza was afraid they might never be the same again...her true undoing had been lonliness.

Time ago she had vowed she wouldn't have lost her mind,but the other day she had heard a voice calling at her.

It was familiar...it was there...and she felt so alone...so misplaced.

The woman she loved had called at her and she had answered.

Flaca brought an hand to her check and stroked it softly,and Maritza died a little inside of that touch.

She felt all the regrets coming back up to the surface and could do nothing but apologize.

"I'm so sorry...I love you..I love you and I never told you..."

_Once malnutrition and exhaustion had gotten to her,Maritza had known she was done for._

_She had tried whatever was on the tray at first,picked around the mold,tried anything....but then it had just become too much._

_One day the food had made her so sick that she couldn't even sit up without hurting._

_She had let herself slip to the floor,along the wall,like a puppet pulled by strings._

_Her regrets had dragged her down first,and she had stopped being hungry._

_It was then that she had slipped into a fevered state...where all she could see were pictures of something that wasn't there._

_At first she had been able to tell reality apart from dreams,but when she had realized that there was still nobody coming for her,Maritza had let herself slip into it even more._

_Hallucinations of things she would've liked to be able to do,or had done in the past._

_She would dream of things which had never happened and could've never been,no matter how much she wished for them._

_Her eyes weren't burning so much anymore,yeah,but there was still nothing of right with them._

_She wasn't seeing things clearly._

_At first the sickness had depended on the mold,but then she had just stopped eating and that was when the true pains had began. The only thing she had been able to stomach since then was water. Everytime she saw that thing she'd be reminded of what Humps had done to her._

_Day by day she had gone more  and more delirious,and she needed to acknowledge it...before it had found a way to overcome her._

Flaca laid down by her and looked her in the eyes,as she entertwined their hands.

For one moment Maritza even managed to pretend Marisol was touching her for real.

"You need to hold on...please"

"It's so hard"

"You're the strongest person I know...and you won't give up because you're stronger than this"added Flaca kissing her hand softly.

She was so close...if Maritza could've lifted her head...she could've tried to kiss her perfect lips.

It took all her strength to lean on her arms as she lifted slowly to meet Flaca halfway through....

But as soon as she blinked the other woman disappeared from her sight...and just like that Maritza knew it had all been a dream.

She fell back down groaning as she hit her back hard,barely keeping her head from slamming on the concrete as well.

Her head kept on swimming making her dizzy,and even if her eyes were heavy and drooping from how much she wanted to sleep,the shivers running through her body and the wheezing were enough to keep her awake.

Sweat formed on her forehead as the temperature went up even more.

Maritza felt cold and hot at the same time,as she dragged herself close to the wall.

She tried to scratch the surface of it but it was useless...there was no way to free herself from that hell.

Her watery,glassy eyes filled up with tears once again as Maritza punched the wall with her bare fists.

The action was so unlike her that she looked at her hands like they were foreign limbs,like they were somebody else's hands and she was looking at them from afar,as her knuckles bleed out on her.

"Get me out of here"

Even the screaming wasn't enough. It was tuned out by the desperation of all the other people around her.

"Please...get me out of here"

She kept repeating those words,and sobbing over them till they didn't mean anything anymore.

Till they weren't nothing more than a whisper from her barely parted lips.

Till the heat of her skin didn't lull her into a state of temporary calm and no beautiful hallucination answered her back anymore.

No sound could be heard then,at least not by her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To shed some light on the timeline:  
> The second chapter is set around the first week after the end of the riot.  
> By this chapter,instead, they have been away from Litchfield for almost a month,which is the same amount of time Mari has been in the Shu.  
> The starvation has been happening for around three weeks.


	4. Con la fuerza de mi corazon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tables are about to be turned again.Will it be in favor of Flaritza this time around or not?

Flaca didn't know exactly how long it took between the lights out and when she was woken up pretty roughly,but she sat up right away. She climbed between the other bunks and tried to understand what was going on.

"Hey,what's going on?"

Somebody from the end of the room stated what was the probable truth.

"Trial?It has been a month"

It reasoned with Flaca as soon as she heard it. It had been a month and nobody had ever told them a thing,they had been trapped most of the time anyway,but this was something which she had expected the whole time.

Trial could mean many things...maybe even getting to see Mari one more time.

She walked to the front of the room as they were all handcuffed and brought out.

They were put back on those buses and to her it was like reliving everything all over again.

Would she have gotten to see Maritza again as she'd have liked to?

Would she have finally gotten to tell her what she truly felt for her?

Flaca hoped the night could've covered up the tears slowly pooling in her eyes.

She had tried to stay strong,as much as she could...everyday was a big fight.

Her mind was temporarily taken away from those thoughts by the sight of the group of nazis and the girls who had been around Maria back in Litchfield. They seemed to be even angrier than usual. And the month in SHU had clearly done nothing to bring them down. They seemed however to have come to a sort of silent agreement through which they weren't enemies anymore.

Even under the eyes of the COs taking them to the buses they seemed to have a hidden agenda to talk about.

Either way it fell on deaf ears as Flaca sat back down and looked at her hands as she had nothing to do.

The familiar feeling of fear of the unknown was as there as it had been on the night the riot had ended and she had been separated from Maritza.

She knew what they were in for,but she was in the dark over what would've happened.

There were so many of them,and Flaca couldn't avoid thinking about all the women who hadn't done anything but might have ended up paying for it anyways.

They had meant to get themselves the rights they deserved as human beings,but waking up had been hard,and sometimes Flaca felt like it would've been better if they had just let her sleep in through the whole thing.

She wished they hadn't woken them up to get them to a trial which would've changed their lives..surely for worse.

In the end,once again,they had lost.

* * *

 

The time it took her to stand up was painfully long.

They hoisted her up like a puppet,treating her like the lifeless shadow she had become and dragged her slowly out of SHU.

"Where are we going?"

"No talking inmate"

"Please,where are we going?"

She was brought outside,receiving no answer at all,where other Litchfield inmates were.

Maritza spotted some people she knew like Brooke Soso and Lorna Morello,and they all seemed to be worn out.

The second showing a bit of a swollen belly,which told Maritza that she was pregnant.

She wondered if she was just as torn apart over not having Nichols with herself...maybe shu had helped her get over her crazy wishes.

All the others instead could do nothing but staring at her,though she barely seemed to notice.

That was not Maritza Ramos,not the one they had all come to love and know.

There was a darkness to her,and she was too skinny.Her eyes spotted two dark circles and her skin was pale.

She was awfully quiet.

Truth was...Maritza had forgotten how to smile,how to function.

_They came in looking angry and one of the two grabbed her and sat her on the bed._

_She was told she hadn't eaten in 3 weeks,of which two were basically their fault,and now they were forcing her to eat before she had become a nuisance they couldn't efford to deal with._

_Maritza was sure it had something to do with them not wanting any more trouble._

_They surely couldn't have another inmate dying...not like they cared,really._

_She tried to struggle..she really did...but the restrained her,cuffed her to her bed,till she couldn't move her arms at all._

_Then one of the two force fed her till she wasn't reduced to a bawling,screaming mess as they freed her from the restraints they had brought in with themselves._

Her face paled even more at the memory of the cramps in her stomach and the stregth she had had to put into not throwing up. Before doing it anyways.

Maritza kept her head down the whole time.

* * *

 

The two flights traveled for quite some hours,till they didn't land in Chicago.

They were checked out and brought to their cells,told they would've had to wait,before getting any more information.

Maritza was pointed at the top bunk,as it usually was for the new ones,and curled up in the bed,trying to disappear as much as she could.

She wanted no problem with anybody.

Exhaustion from the journey took over her and she fell asleep dreaming of tear drops and makeovers,and new better days.

* * *

 

 

When she woke up it hadn't really been that long since she had fallen asleep,as the sun was still rising in the sky and her bunkmates were all on their beds,minding their own business or just resting.

She got out  the bed and looked around herself.

Long silky black hair,with bangs almost falling over her wonderful eyes.

Tall figure,pools of chocolate shut,dreaming about God knew what.

Maritza felt like she was still in Seg hallucinating,and squeezed her eyes shut and then open to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

She closed the distance between the two bunks by walking towards Flaca's and stroked the covers almost too afraid to touch...her.

It had been a month,but she was still so flawless...felt so much like home.

The other woman shifted towards her in her sleep as if Maritza had asked her to do so and she finally got to see those full lips again. The same movement with her hand as she tried to settle for the best position to sleep in.

That single sight made her cry...and for the first time in a month,that was how long she had apparently been down in that hellhole she felt alive...all over again.

For the first time she felt like breaking down wouldn't have destroyed her.


	5. Right here waiting for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An hour...a dream that comes true...changes.

With them only being allowed an hour of air and maybe not even that,Flaca found it pointless to go to the courtyard. She had already gathered it was pretty dangerous,and not really worth being seen.

In truth she didn't feel like doing much,there was no true fun in doing it without her other half.

The girl on the bunk across from hers had been spending the whole morning there.

She hadn't spoken a word,nor turned..she looked worn out. She had been brought in while they were all sleeping.

She was very skinny,like she had lost a lot of weight pretty suddenly,her cheeks were sunken in,her hair disheveled.

She looked like she had stopped caring about anything.

Flaca got out of her bunk attracted by the other woman.

The night before she had felt the presence of somebody by her side. Now she had probably been dreaming but it had felt a hell of a lot like Maritza.

For one moment Flaca dared to hope...it was who she wanted it to be...but being wrong would've pained her so much...

She missed those arms around her more than anything...she just missed the whole life they had meant.

It wasn't just a moment in her life,thanks to Maritza it had become part of it.

Flaca stopped right in front of the bed,and extended her hand towards the woman's arm.

Her eyes widened as she recognized the softness of that skin,the pattern of long hair,that familiar but faded make up,now barely visible. But still her.

Flaca wondered if she was looking at Maritza's twin because there was no way in hell that could've been the woman she loved.

Yet...there it was,that beautiful face back in her life,proving that somehow destiny had brought them back together.

"Maritza...Mari"she shook the sleeping form of her best friend 'till the latter's eyes didn't flutter open,before settling over her.

Maritza looked at her as if she had been looking at a dream. She knew,had known since the day before that soon she would've found herself looking back into those eyes,yet she could've never anticipated how that moment would've turned out to be.

Her heart seemed to skip out of her chest,and beat faster than it ever had.

She wondered,almost too self consciously if..in case Flaca had felt the same...she was still attractive enough to be liked by the other woman.

Maritza left her own bunk and stared back at Flaca,before bringing an hand to her face.

Flaca wasted no time in telling her what she had been meaning to ever since they had last seen each other.

"I love you..I do..I'm sorry I didn't tell you back that night"

Maritza knew it had to be a dream.

She knew she was far from perfect,far more now than she had been before,but for once..for one single moment she dared to give into the attraction which had aways pulled them together...she dared to believe they could've been what they had always wanted to be,as Flaca lips came to be mere inches from her own.

She knew they were so close that one more inch and they would've been kissing like they had always wanted to.

Maritza tried to remember what it had felt like to kiss her last Saint Valentine and all the feelings rushed back to her as she closed the gap between their lips.

Flaca leaned more in,as she bent to be at her height and deepened it.

A shy first kiss(the first one since they had realized to be in love with each other),as innocent as Flaca was,but with a bit of old Maritza fire.

Flaca felt like there was no world outside. Everything was gone,but Maritza was there and it was all she had ever wanted...to be with somebody who truly understood her. To be with the only woman who had ever managed to steal her heart.

She couldn't explain to herself Maritza's change,didn't know what was wrong with her..but she was willing to try fixing her...if it had been the last thing she ever did in her life.

* * *

 

Flaca guided them back down to lie on the lower bunk as she spooned Maritza.

She was shocked to see that the other woman's clothes were baggy on her and she could feel every bone poking out from her skin.

She dreaded the answer once Maritza had given it to her,but she needed to have the confirmation.

"Where did they keep you?"

"I was in solitary"

"How long?"

"The whole month"

Maritza really didn't want to tell Flaca that nothing really had any taste to her anymore...that she couldn't eat..couldn't sleep without any sort of hallucination or nightmare coming her way. She didn't want to tell her that Shu had destroyed her. Flaca might not have liked the new her,so for the sake of keeping her by her side..she deemed it better to just shut up..and let Flaca do the talking.

Marisol had always had a way with words...words which had helped her carry on even when she didn't want to.

She didn't want to die..but now she had learned the lesson..learned to stay in her place,the corner which had been chosen for her by the people who counted for real. 

They didn't matter,inmates didn't deserve a future..but Flaca..oh Flaca did..she wasn't even supposed to be in prison.

Maritza still waited for Flaca to go on,but all she felt were her hands on her hair...stroking them softly,then her cheek...

Flaca sunk further by her side,hugging her,till she wasn't kissing her head...Maritza died a little bit more at those lips on her skin.

She bursted in tears.

"Hey,hey,did I do something wrong?Mari,please talk to me"

The other woman shook her head and looked Flaca in the eyes.

"I missed you"

Flaca just held her tigther.

"I missed you too,so much. You were in my thoughts every day...I wanted to tell you so many things...tell you my day wasn't the same without you...but you weren't there...I wrote to you,you know?"

"You wrote to me,but...you didn't know where I was"

"I didn't,but it felt like having you there..just for one moment...I wrote to you everyday..little notes mind you..not real letters,cause I knew I couldn't have sent them,but they made me feel better..more hopeful".

Maritza buried herself into Flaca's chest,as she spoke the next words.

"I really...I had nobody..but you're there...you're always there in my dreams...you're everywhere."

She didn't dare to tell Flaca that all the times she had seen her it had been in a delirious state,as she tried to fight off her long sickness.

She didn't tell her that she'd have loved to be held by her when she was in pain,but sooner or later Flaca would've probably understood all by herself,anyway.

All those times she had never gotten to kiss her,or touch her the way she'd have liked to.

The Marisol in her dreams had been incredibly realistic for being nothing but an hallucination.

Flaca was the one reason why she had come out of there still alive.

"Now we're here,together...and I hope dream me looked half as good as I do"

Maritza wasn't used to laughing anymore,really,but she couldn't avoid giggling at the thought..dream Flaca was amazing..but nothing compared to the true one,not even in her wildest dream.

Flaca just loved the whole thing. She wanted to be the one to make her smile again. She wanted to make sure that Maritza could've gotten better after the long time she had spent in solitary,alone.

She knew she wasn't worthy of Flaca's love but she did make the question anyway.

"Would you like to be with me?Like..really be with me?"

"Thought you'd have never asked...claro que si".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Flaritza are finally together,but now they have to face the trial just like their fellow inmates,what's gonna happen?Stay tuned for chapter 6.


	6. What's up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trial day has come,what's it gonna be like for Flaritza?

"Miss Ramos,this deal might be very useful in the light of your previous crime. Once you take the deal,you'll be facing less time than you should for this riot"

"I don't get it...you want me to betray the woman I love,how's this right?"

He spoke,but Maritza tuned him out. The man had always been boring beyond repair,sure he had done all he could the first time around,but this time it was different.

Flaca was her business too. There was somebody else counting on her now...she'd have taken the extended sentence if it had meant reduced time for the woman she had fallen for.

The lawyer stood up and looked at her with a frown as he headed towards the countroom.

The trials had been going on for the whole morning.

She had heard several had been let off the hook after they had all testified they had been in the garden,taking it quietly.

Those were pretty peaceful and Maritza was glad they hadn't been punished for what the others had done.

That had been day one of trials...but the trial was actually much longer than that.

Day four was theirs.

The number of inmates to sentence had dwindled quite and by now only half the people and most with bigger charges had been left to face their own.

The trial was set to go on for months,so some would've surely been stuck in Chicago for far longer than they would've liked.

For all the time which her own lasted,however,all she could think about was Flaca,sitting mere inches away from her,just in that little room,whose door was unluckily shut.

She doubted Flaca could've heard and felt better about it,this way she wouldn't have tried to stop her.

And as she sat in there,trying to explain what had happened,she couldn't avoid not listening at all to what she had been told. She had to save Flaca,spare her the burden of this.

"Miss Ramos,from what I've gathered you seem to state that you're the one who convinced Miss Gonzalez to film those videos,am I correct?"

"Yes,sir"

"During the riot some of the videos you actually shared seem to show some sort of abuse from the inmates part towards the correctional officers who were in charge that day"

"We in no way took part in those actions,sir."

"So you're suggesting that such actions were caught on video by nothing but chance?"

"Absolutely,sir"

"I'm good,your honour"

The whole thing seemed to go on for so long...and Maritza couldn't avoid tuning out the whole thing again.

They had no business in talking to her anymore. She had no interest in listening...she was already more than sure to have signed her condemnation and she felt good about it.

All she wanted was for Flaca to be happy.

"For all these reasons this court pronounces the defendant guilty of all the charges discussed and therefore extends the sentence of 36 months,to add to the previous one."

Whatever came later she didn't care much about,Maritza let herself be handcuffed again and walked out to the holding cell.

She waited and waited,'till the door didn't open again and she didn't spot her girlfriend...God her girlfriend...coming out of it.

Maritza kissed her passionately.

Flaca grabbed her face between her hands,looking at her with tears in her eyes.

"What did you do?Mari what did you do?Why did you do it?"

Plan had worked,she had saved Flaca and all she had been blamed for were the part in the riot(videos included,no matter what) and perjury.

"I spared you so much and I don't regret it"

Flaca hugged her tightly as she kept on crying.

"You're so stupid...que diablos..."

Maritza breathed in Flaca's soft perfume,her very own,and run her hands up and down the latter's back.

"I know..it's not like you got to get out of here anyway..but I love you and we've a lot of time to spend here...so why don't we do it together?"

Flaca would've still gotten out after her,with the new fifteen months weighing on her now,but the waiting would've been bearable,cause at least their separation would've lasted less. Maritza would've had to wait months instead of years.

"Puta loca"

"I love you too".

* * *

 

They were in Chicago for an entire week after the sentence.

None of the two had heard from their families at first,but it must have had something to do with what had happened during the process.

Maritza couldn't avoid wondering what would've happened.

Of course Marisol was bummed over it,but then she had received a call the other day and Maritza was happy to know her family out there still cared.

It was enough to make her breath easy through the pain of not being contacted by her own.

She couldn't avoid wondering if they would've dared to separate them again.

She had vowed Flaca they would've been together,but in truth they could've easily been torn apart once more and this didn't sit well with her.

It never really had.

Flaca and her kisses were the only things keeping her sane. 

No matter if the process had already happened...she was still struggling. She still couldn't bring herself to live the normal way,the way she had back in Litchfield.

She had tried very hard to hide her discomfort from the person who mattered the most to her,but she knew that was impossible.

They had known each other for years by now,and she knew Flaca was suspicious. She had to have been since they had met again in there.

"C'mon you should eat some more"added her lover.

Maritza couldn't avoid to keep on playing with her food. As happy as she was to be with Flaca,anything else seemed to make her more depressed. Even the idea itself of disappointing Flaca hurt her.

It took her a moment to make the decision.

Maritza grabbed her fork and started eating as if it were the last meal.

Flaca laughed.

"Slow down,we're in no hurry...yet"

"What?I'm eating,see?"

Flaca couldn't avoid shaking her head at her. She didn't know how good it had to be for somebody who up till a minute ago hadn't been angry at all,but Maritza had always surprised her,so she just kept on glancing at her throughout the whole meal,hoping to be gifted with another one of the other woman's beautiful smiles. A true one this time around.

Yet,for the rest of the day,deep inside she still couldn't avoid listening to the concerned voice telling her something was seriously wrong with her girlfriend.

* * *

 

When they were boarded back on the planes,Maritza was surprised to find out that it was together.

It brought surely some life back to her face,and she felt a bit stronger,as it lifted up in the air.

Maritza slept most of the time anyways,and luckily unbothered,on her girl's shoulder,and was only woken up by Flaca shaking her as they landed.

She was happy to be back on land,but not half as happy when she saw where they were headed.

Her two weeks in Chicago had been a true blessing compared to the pain she had felt in that prison. So when the doors to it opened and the bus slipped back in,Maritza felt dread overcoming her. Of course they would've put them here.

Maritza had no idea what they were doing with Litchfield,but if they had ever been transferred there again,this one was much closer than Flaca's had been.

The other woman felt her tensing up besides her and grabbed her hand,holding it tightly.

"It's where I was up till the trial"

"Don't worry they're not sending you back there,we'll get bunks,hopefully together"

"There's no such luck a third time around,love"

"Fight me...we'll see once it happens".

Sure they didn't happen to be together,but it was pretty surprising when they were placed in two adiacent cubes. They could've easily stood on their beds to meet each other halfway through.

"I hope you haven't forgotten manners young ladies!"

The unmistakeale cuban accent had them turning around almost giving themselves whiplash.

"Gloria"

The older woman soon found herself squeezed in a hug from both sides.

"I thought you're in Max"

"Thought you're a goner"

"...a gift from somebody,plus the cos went in both our favours,not much but enough to get me out if Max"

Gloria,who had been assigned to Maritza's cube, sat them down and told them a bit of what had happened,then explained about the trial,and Maria's unexpected help.

The judges had found out about what Ruiz had done during the riot,but she had been offered a good deal,and by helping Gloria the compromise had fitted them both. Maria had gotten less years than she should've,and Gloria hadn't had to deal with the idea of spending more time away from her kids.

Most of the ten of the pool had been let out of Max and their sentences had all been extended of at least a year and luckily no more than that. Jefferson and Hayes were still awating for their sentence,but it wasn't looking good for them,and Caputo whose destiny hadn't been sorted out yet, was still trying to retrieve Warren from Psych. Just as the warden's,Daya's destiny was still unknown.

Her sentence had been reduced;her son seemed to be better,on the way to recovery. She might not have gotten to see him,but he was awake and they had had the chance to talk to each other.

Maritza wished Gloria could've had that furlough,but with everything that had happened she knew,and so did the older woman,that it couldn't have been so,anytime soon.

"No sense in being sad,what's done is done,at least I've found you again."

A bit of the Harlem family had finally been reunited.

What was done was done.

Nobody could've objected to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So to sum up the situation: we now know that Mari got 3 years added to her sentence,Flaca a year and half,and our girls have finally reconnected with a person who mattered a lot to them in Litch.  
> Will they be okay?Will Mari manage to face her distrust towards others?What's there more in store for our girls?Stay tuned for more.


	7. Lonely(Kiss the rain)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flaca and Maritza are up to a lot of things.  
> Suspects arise.  
> Will the quiet be broken?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "A mind can bleed a heart to death"(Munia Khan)

It was hard to avoid,and with the days going by it only got harder.

She didn't know how she had managed to hide it for the last two weeks,and yet there she was in the middle of the night for the nth time.

She and Flaca had been assigned to different jobs,so they would be separated for half the day at least,and that was always Maritza's cue. It was always there,when her girlfriend wasn't by her side.

Her escapades in the middle of the night were few and very lucky,when the cos were basically napping in the bubble and she could sneak undisturbed,but to Maritza they were the part of the day when she could finally stop pretending to be okay.

It had hurt the first time,really,but after that the young latina had stopped noticing..or caring.

She would fall to her knees and coax herself into th up whatever she had eaten.

As a young girl she had been pretty healthy,and she had never even been touched by the idea,not at all by eating disorders....it had all happened in that month.

That month which had changed her forever.

It sucked.Oh it did.Everytime.

She'd eat till bursting then make sure it came back up.

And it was always the same:stick your fingers down your troath,wait for the gagging,throw it all up.

That night it truly was no different.

Maritza spent half the time in that stall wondering what had become of her life and her old self.

"Maritza?"

She fell back into the door and it opened,as she tumbled out of the stall.

Towering over her she found Flaca,staring down at her,arms crossed over her chest.

"Maritza,que carajo...?"

She opened and shut her mouth several times trying to explain,but she found herself unable to. Every sort of coherent thought had flown out of the window a long time ago. Whatever her thoughts were now...they were pretty jumbled up,tangled like a skein she couldn't undo anymore.

"Are you kidding me?I'm that horrible?"

Maritza tried to lighten it all up,by pointing out they hadn't made love to each other yet.

"It's not like we made it,yet?"she said with a grimace.

But Flaca didn't laugh to the joke,but only with sadness.

Maritza truly realized what was happening and scrambled to her knees and looked at Flaca with tears in her eyes.

"No,please..it has nothing to do with you...you've always been great"

"I knew..I knew there was something wrong..I tried..couldn't have known,yet I should've. I should've noticed."

"Flaca"

"Oh fuck,do you trust me so little?"

"I'm fuckin' messed up...I don't know what I am doing...I don't even know who I am anymore"

She stood up and walked out of the bathroom with Flaca hot on her heels.

"Don't you dare to get away from me. You'll look me in the eyes and tell me why."

Maritza walked more quickly towards the door to the courtyard and threw it open,to walk in the middle of a downpour.

"Look"she pointed at herself with shaky cold hands.

"Is this what you want for yourself?"

"You asked me..and I said yes,because I love you..and I might have denied it for the last four years,but now I'm not willing to do it anymore...I've always loved you...ever since you came into my life..you can't kick me out so quickly"

Maritza swung on the balls of her feet,sniffing and crying.

"I'M DYING INSIDE,you can't fix me...you're better off without me,Flaca...I swear."

Rain kept on pouring down on them as they breathed hard over their last argument.

In the silence Maritza heard some noises coming from the inside,and she had the distinct sensation that they knew they were missing an inmate they had counted as inside of her dormitory just a couple of hours ago.

"Go back inside,Flaca. It's not worth it."

"You need time,Mari. And as much as I'd like to help...you told me I can't help you,what's the point of keeping this relationship going?"

"I love you too,Flaca"

"That's not enough Maritza,you need to go back to loving yourself first."

"So what you're gonna leave me?Yo walking out on me?"

"I'll always be there for you,no matter what Maritza"

She spotted in the peripheral vision somebody coming their way and swiftly pushed Flaca behind the wall,where they couldn't have seen her. She could've slipped back in in the darkness if she had just kept close to the wall,the part which was totally showered in autumnal darkness.

Maritza kneed on the grass,and raised her hands over her head,and as she did so she caught Flaca safely making it back in.

She was roughly picked up by one of those officers from the bubble in the dorm and brought back in as they both barked into their radios.

"I didn't do anything"

"It very much looks like you were trying to escape,inmate"

"No,no,no way.I'd have no reason...why would I want my sentence extended?"

"You're in a riot. We know who you're inmate Ramos"

She was made to wait in the counselor's office for several minutes,before watching the door open again.

"I'm sure that solitary will actually help you reflect on your actions,and pray for no more additional time"

"Please...not the shu...I'll do anything.."

They didn't really listen to her,as two officers hoisted her up from the chair and threw her inside the van,driving it themselves as it was too late at night for an inmate to do so.

It was her worst nightmare come true,coming to bite her back in the ass for what she had done,and the unworthy of love person she was.

* * *

 

Three weeks later,21 days after Maritza had ended up back in SHU,Flaca found herself sitting in that same stall reprising a behavior she thought she had buried and forgotten during high school.

She had known back then it wasn't healthy,realized at a certain point,that besides the usual worries her life was far better off than she had thought it to be.

Flaca was convinced she had stopped.

The blade slipped on her arm easily,as she reprised an act which she had spent quite the years one as a teenager.

It hadn't been that long since she had stopped when they came ringing her bell to tell her she was under arrest.

Right at the moment she had felt so humiliated.

She could've found any way to hurt herself,as she thought about how much she had screwed up,but the face of her mother as she was taken away wouldn't leave her. She had laid down any intention to do so,and once she had gotten to Litchfield Maritza had given her the strength to never do it again.

Flaca knew that Maritza had never had any sort of disorder,but she had actually been aware right away of what Flaca had spent her time doing not so long before.

In that moment the younger girl wished she could've had her there. Then she remembered how she had messed up,and broken it up...

Maritza hadn't done this...she had..to herself..and her girlf...her best friend as well.

Maritza had been another good reason to never do it again. 

It was on those days she had perfected her tecnique with prison make up, scribbled and written in cool designs,her whole arm with pencils.When she had stopped,on those last months of freedom doing such things had relaxed her. She had started painting her eyes like that as well,and it had stayed up the same up till now.The soft lines,the tear,all a signature.

Right about now she felt useless...she couldn't help herself..she couldn't help Maritza.

The world had been taken from under their feet once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Maritza part is something I totally came up with,while Flaca's was inspired by a scene in 4x08 where she,Piper and Janae talk about self-harm. Flaca actually states she used to cut.


	8. S'il suffisait d'aimer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again apart,Flaca and Maritza realize it's all better when they have each other.  
> It really can get better,if you're not as lonely as you think you're.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of self-harm and eating disorder(like chapter 7)

It had been a mistake.

Flaca knew she had broken Maritza's heart,and her own in the process.

After all that had happened their relationship had been the light into a lot of darkness.

She hadn't meant to fall apart so easily.

Now she was sure that in order to lose your mind,you really didn't have to go to shu,or psych. Even here it was easy.

Marisol was aware that lots of people had been watching. 

Especially Gloria.

She hadn't taken her eyes off her for days,and Flaca found it everyday harder to hide the scars.

Since it was December she didn't have to keep her sleeves up,but Gloria had always been good at spotting bullshit. She was to the ex-Harlem what Red was to the Suburbs,and to a certain extent what Taystee had been to the Ghetto.

Yet Flaca knew...there was something going on.

They might have been sleeping in different bunks(she shared the cube with Maritza,but it was right in front of hers),yet Flaca knew in hindsight she had done something stupid when she had started stealing from her. Stealing every sharp object she could find,till the big kitchen knife Gloria had left on the counter,one day,when she had introduced herself in the place without anybody noticing.

"What's happening in that head of yours?"

As if she had called her with her mind the older woman sat right beside her on Flaca's bed.

The cuban woman had noticed how she had started withdrawing from everything and everybody. She knew it mustn't be easy on her since Maritza had been brought down to SHU almost two months before...but those two weren't telling her anything anymore really,and Gloria was fucking worried.

"Nothing"

"You and Maritza aren't telling me anything anymore"

"Am I supposed to?You aren't the boss of me"

Flaca stood up and exited the dorm still pretty angry. Yet a part of her would've liked the older woman to follow her.

Gloria didn't.

Flaca's heart fell apartt once more.

* * *

 

It was all the time she needed to hide and start it all over again.

Once she stopped keeping count,just like the first time,Maritza really found no problem anymore.

It was the highlight of the day when she spotted the mold coming through the slot.

She ate it all up in a moment,knowing she needed to hurry up if she wanted to punish herself the way she deserved.

The sooner the better.

Her troath burnt with the expectation,the waiting killed her everytime. Sometimes there was even blood and cramps,and in those moments she knew it could mean nothing but trouble.

Maritza almost tripped as she made her way to the disgusting toilet. 

She almost felt like a junkie finally getting their new fix.

It made her feel powerful just for a moment.

Yet everytime there was a downside to it.

Sometimes she could feel her insides burning and screaming.

They twisted in a knot...made her feel sick.

Those rare moments in which she was aware that something was wrong with her...it was when she knew she was screwed up,and no amount of throwing up should've made her feel so good.

If only she could've seen Flaca once more.

She would've told her she was sorry for the way that night had ended up.For the way she had ruined things. That she was very much entitled to push her out of her life,once she had come back up from the shadows.

Maritza had started engaging into punching things again,since she couldn't really adress or direct her anger anywhere else.

She knew deep inside she had to. What she was doing was efficace,but for some reason she needed to keep on feeling the blood on her knuckles. Know it was there.

Maybe she just needed to be reminded of the fact that she was still,no matter what her issues were,alive.

* * *

 

It was undoubtedly a crafty job.

It run all along her left leg. Through the insides of her thigh and under her knee.

It was mesmerizing...the line..the flow...it captured her even more than it had before.

Flaca observed it fall on the tiles. For once she didn't even worry about whoever would've had to clean up after her.

Nobody would've really snitched. They all knew what was good for them.

The corner close to the fence...the one facing the outside...it was the perfect place.

The stalls in the bathroom?The bunk in the wee hours of the morning when everybody was still sleeping?

Even at work,sometimes,when nobody was watching. After all...there were still cos around them.

But that stall...that stall was her obsession...it was where she had found out that Maritza was hurting herself,that she had an eating disorder...and it was something she had developed in prison.

It was there for her whenever she wanted it...nobody seemed to go there,ever.

The sensation which it her right after was something she had never felt,not even when she had been cutting as a teenager.

There was too much blood.

It almost looked like somebody had stabbed her leg.

Her eyes widened,her hands started trembling as she dropped the stolen knife to the floor.

It clattered resounding in the empty bathroom and Flaca felt her heart bursting in her chest to the fear of being discovered.

The stall bursted open,reminding her once again of what had happened with Maritza two months before,and she looked up from where she was sitting to look Gloria straight in the eyes.

The older woman looked like she was about to scream,but then thought better of it because they were still in prison,and the intervention of cos wasn't really contemplated if they didn't want to be in trouble.

Her body was shaken by the sobs,and for the first time she truly understood what Maritza had felt that night,all those weeks ago.

She almost felt sick.

"Hey,hey look at me chica..don't fall asleep."

Flaca knew she had done it...the mess couldn't be fixed this time around.

Her eyes shut,as she couldn't stand the shame,but Gloria couldn't really know what it meant so she tried to keep her eyes open.

"Open...eyes open...Marisol"

They snapped open as she heard her birth name being pronounced in such a serious tone,as the older woman slapped her in the face,lightly.

Gloria disappeared for a few moments,before coming back with towels.

It got covered in blood so quickly that Flaca almost passed out from a mixture of pain and sight of it.

She almost felt like screaming,but gritted her teeth and rided it through.

She had put herself in this predicament.

"You wait in here okay. I'll help you"

Again the older woman disappeared,and this time it was for a longer period.

Flaca almost thought of standing up to go and see where she was,but the burning sensation along?across?her leg kept her sitting where she was. If she had stood up,she would've probably fallen back down. And she had already caused enough trouble to Gloria to just go,get dizzy and smack her head on the porcelain,or the floor by falling.

She heard voices,and footsteps and felt a lot calmer.

The party was pretty creative.

Meaning it was made of a bit of people she knew from everywhere.

Old faces. Some must have gotten there that morning. Or maybe they had been there for weeks,but Flaca had been too much into her head to notice. It had been weeks from the beginning of the trial after all.

 She literally cowered under the stare of one angry looking Red...she and Gloria had formed a bond at the end of the day.

"Now what to do with you"the thick russian accent made her flinch,but when she looked up there was only disappoiment she could see in their eyes.

Gloria drew out a needle and thread and kneed in front of her.

In her haze she was sure to have heard Murphy and Flores being asked to watch the door to make sure nobody came in.

Her mouth was stuffed with a rag.

She watched half-shocked as Chapman squeezed herself into the stall and had her leaning in the sit.

Vause was watching,sitting on the long sink.They looked like they glowed,like they had finally found a way to make forever happen,and Flaca wondered what they were doing there,before remembering that Red had probably asked them and nonetheless it looked clear they wanted no more trouble,especially after the stint in Max,they respected her the way Flaca respected  Gloria. They respected their prison mother.

It took her mind off whatever was happening for long enough for the cuban woman to go in with the needle.

Chapman had her in a strong grip,as the two Litchfield matriarchs worked on her self-inflicted wound.

She trashed into the strong grip and wished Maritza had been holding her at the moment.

Her poorly held back screams turned into another round of sobs.

"I didn't mean to...I hurt her so bad"

Gloria handed the needle to Red and crawled closer to her 'till they weren't hugging.

She was never gonna leave those kids alone once again.

It was what she vowed herself as she tried to try Flaca's seemingly endless tears.

"Shh,shh,I promise...I'll be there. We'll be there."

Gloria really didn't know the extent of what had happened between the two,but none of the two were fine..and she would'be damned if she let them slip away from her gasp one more time.

Things were gonna change.She would've made it better. At least for them.

 

 

 

 


	9. Bleeding love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gloria has a very hard time taking care of Flaca;Christmas brings new gifts.

To get the younger girl back to bed was as much of a predicament as sorting her out had been.

Gloria had to bid goodbye to all the women who had been gentle enough to help them,but Flores as the three of them had to make their way back to their dorm all by themselves. 

Flaca had tried to put her leg down,but once they realized it wasn't comfortable at all,they literally put her arms around their necks and started dragging her.

She would dispose of the knife right after,first she had to think about the girl.

 Half way through Flores left them alone as it would've been suspicious for them to go back in all together.

She heard some commotion going God knew where and the guard in the bubble shot out of it to help.

Gloria took it as her cue to take Flaca in,before the girl had literally collapsed on her.

She was already as white as the bed sheets,and she looked like she was about to throw up from the pain.

The cuban woman held back any retort about how this was her fault,before remembering that she hadn't even noticed it was happening,and if she cut it meant she was depressed,and Flaca was not the one who had caused it to herself.

She tried to clean the wound up with water as silently as she could,then Gloria helped the kid into the bed,before covering her up as much as she could,adding an extra blanket from her own.

Flaca's bunkmate slept through the whole commotion and she could finally breathe again.

Under all that pain the girl was still so young.

She shuffled back to bed still glancing at the opposite cube from time to time.

Flaca didn't sleep.

Neither did Gloria.

 

* * *

 

She sighed at the sight and looked around herself.

It was clear that what they had done the first night wasn't enough.

The handmade stitches realized with stolen thread and needle from the meds storage room were holding just fine,but Flaca wasn't fine.

It was two days before Christmas and most had been granted free time from their jobs.

For the last two days all she had done was watching the kid limp around wherever she went,trying to hide it as much as she could,especially when she was closer to officers.

The night they had helped Flaca,another girl had been found having sharp objects and harming herself with those and convincing others to do the same,and they had come very close to being discovered as well,because for some unknown reason to the cuban they had been having one of those raids in which they liked to make a mess of the whole dormitories. So just yesterday she had spent most of the morning fixing up what they had done.

Gloria had had to hide the hooch they had been given,and she still didn't intend to use.

Any sort of hooch still had dubious origins after all,and using it would've served to nothing at this point. Infection had already set in.

Now she was watching her sleep and it was clear she was shivering.

It was enough to confirm what she had been thinking for hours.

Gloria had to search half the prison for a bucket,and when she found it she hurried back to the dorms.

Then she tucked the covers in even more around the young girl as she dried Flaca's forehead.

There was no telling what they would've done if they had found out about her.

She couldn't imagine what would've happened if she hadn't hidden everything in time.

She seemed to have patiently stored quite a lot of razors,or managed to make out of other stuff little sharp objects.

The last thing Gloria had had to do at that point was hiding the big bloody knife where it could've never been found.

"What's wrong with this one,Mendoza?"grunted one of the officers,taking her by surprise.

She got so scared she blurted out one of the most obvious thing,knowing full well none of them truly was interested in finding out if she had said the truth.

"Junkie...I got it,she ain't gonna cause any trouble...she's over that shit,it's what got her in..she's never gonna touch it again."

He looked pretty convinced,as he shrugged and left as if nothing had happened.

After all none of them truly cared,and she had sorta twisted the truth in their favor.

The decision was quickly made as she run out of the dorm again to head towards the kitchen.

She couldn't risk taking the child to the infirmary and have her end up to Psych or God knew where. They didn't care about these women.

She knew now more than ever that help wouldn't have come,so this was her only way to help Flaca.

So Gloria grabbed onto the first knife she could find in the kitchen and cut her palm open.

It hurt like a bitch,and maybe it would've gotten infected just like Flaca's...but it would've been hella worth it.

* * *

 "Can you do something then?"she had asked him for more meds than she should've.

He looked at her suspiciously,least she was asking for more because she was using,but he had second thoughts.

The woman was dead serious.

He shook his head,knowing full well there were rules. He really couldn't give her much.

 At which point she fell to her knees,begging him.

"Please...she's just a kid. She made a mistake,don't let them take her down there."

He walked by her and searched for a couple of minutes before handing the precious thing to her.

He told her how many times Flaca was supposed to take them,and take her to him in case things had gotten worse.

He would've passed it by as an accident,if some co had noticed.

"I should be reporting her,inmate Mendoza,but I've seen what's like down there,I heard what happened...no more in Max for this"

She was taken back to the dorms and straight to her cube,but instead of resting or thinking about what she had just done,she walked towards the opposite one and sat on Flaca's bed.

Gloria sat there for a good portion of her day,except for when she had to go to work as she helped Flaca with the meds,but when night came she wasn't half as hopeful.

She swapped places with their respective bunkmates and slept in the opposite bed from the younger girl.

Once again Gloria didn't sleep at all.

She spent half the night trying to calm the kid down,and the other trying to understand if she was getting any better.

Of course if she still remembered correctly things would've gotten worse before getting better.

"Maritza...Mari..."

"Shh,calm down...we need to be silent Marisol...we don't want them to hear us"

 She almost rolled her eyes when she heard her calling for the girl again,but they had to have had a bad fallout for Flaca to be so riled up about it.

"Please...forgive me...I didn't...I didn't mean it..."

Gloria tried a lots of things before getting her to calm down just by stroking her hair.

Eventually,Flaca worked herself up to the point of falling silent again. If she hadn't been crying and if she hadn't been so close to the bed,the older woman could've been fooled into thinking she was asleep.

Yet the delirium was still clear in her eyes;the wheezes could still be heard through the silence of the dorm,and if she could've taken it away,Gloria knew...she would've.

It took some hard work from her part,but the stroking must have been soothing enough that when the time came,Flaca did fall into a deep sleep,like her usual ones.

Gloria still didn't.

* * *

Maritza came back on Christmas morning.

It felt foreign to be back under the sun,but when she came back to the cube she felt at least a bit happy at the idea that they had made sure all her stuff would still be there when she had come back up.

She headed towards Flaca's cube which was luckily empty and stole her pillow replacing it with her own.

Knowing it was christmas morning Maritza was aware to have been away for two months.

She was aware to have messed up a lot,she was aware now of how messed up she had been in the last three months.

It was slowly destroying her.

Her weight kept on swinging,her mood was bad all the time,all she had ever been able to think about as she spent her time in shu was a way to fix things with Marisol. Even if she had never wanted to be with her again.

She laid down on her bed,and tried to get used to the much softer thing once more.

It still felt like she was dying inside all the time.

* * *

Gloria came back to the room in the evening.

The cos had granted a little party for Christmas,but she definitely missed how it had been in Litchfield.

They could've never really imagined that would've been the last christmas in there.

As she walked closer she noticed a figure hunched into the bed opposite to hers,and had to rub her eyes several times before truly believing what she was seeing.

"Maritza?"

The girl turned in the bed to look at her,and Gloria felt like screaming once again in the whole week.

Maritza threw herself at her as soon as she sat by her side.

"Please,help me. Help me,I can't take this anymore"

It was then she noticed she was hugging basically a pile of bones.

"You're disappearing"

"I'm wrong Gloria. I've been wrong ever since I ended up in Shu the first time around. I never had any...I used to eat just fine..."

"Que carajo...Maritza what do you mean?"

The words had her so ashamed that she couldn't even bare to pronounce them and it took her minutes to work up the courage to mime her disturb through just her hand,two fingers in her troath.

She gagged out of reflex,before bringing them back to her lap and looking down. She couldn't even look Gloria in the eyes anymore.

Maritza waited for a slap or a fit of anger but they never came. 

Unexpectedly so the older woman bursted in tears and it took her several moments and some awkward shoulder patting from her prison daughter to calm down.

The younger one was so surprised she almost took it as a form of rejection. It was clear that Gloria wanted nothing to do with her anymore.

She stood up abruptly and run out of the room into a swarm of celabrating inmates.

She got to run just fine for long minutes before walking straight into somebody else.

And not just somebody else.

Flaca.

It was the person she had been wanting to see for the last two months,and finally Christmas day seemed to have brought back something good in her life.

* * *

 Flaca was going very slowly actually.

She was still limping,and she worried all the time that it would've stayed this way,but at least she wasn't sick anymore.

She had been sick just two days ago.

It was what she was thinking about...when she walked straight into another woman.

The woman who still meant the world to her.

Maritza.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boop!Flaritza have met again,what's gonna happen now?Only chapter 10 will tell.  
> (A bit of explaining:Flaca cut herself on the 16th,she was sick and on meds till 23rd).


	10. Perfect day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas night for Flaritza.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drunk!Flaritza

They helped each other up without even thinking,but all they could look at was the one person they had missed.

Everything else around them didn't seem to matter anymore.

Without talking at all,Maritza grabbed Flaca's hand and led them back to the courtyard,in the exact point where two months ago they had faught.

"When did you come back?"

It was Flaca who spoke first. She could barely believe what she was seeing.Maritza back with them.

"Minutes ago."

"Flaca I..."

"Maritza I..."

"You go first...say what you need to say...I know what...go say your piece"

"Flaca...I know you might not trust me anymore..but you've to believe me when I say that I would've told you,but it was so hard. I don't know why...I only know..where are you going?"

She limped towards the entrance as Maritza followed her,walking by her side.

She wondered why the other woman was walking oddly,but any answer made her shiver.

Flaca headed towards an empty space in the garden...it was pretty far away from the rest of the courtyard,like prisoners had totally forgotten it was there,and if they had wanted they could've done anything there.

"I've been looking for it for the last two days..."

"What?What do you mean,Flaca?"

She turned to look at Maritza.

"The hooch,what else?"she added smiling.

"You have hooch"

"Gloria has hooch,she hid it....I'll tell you later about it."

Every minute that passed,Maritza kept on wondering more and more about what the hell had happened while she had been away.

"Bingo,bitch"

Gloria had truly made a big effort to hide it,but Flaca had spent the last two days looking everywhere for it,after she had found it they did have hooch,and it had been given to them the night she had cut into her leg.

She stood up with the big bag in her hand,and beamed at Maritza.

"Come with me"

* * *

They headed towards a storage room and sat down.

"Go on"

"I know I hurt you,I doubted you would've stood by my side,and I shouldn't have,cause you've always been there for me.I know I put you through a lot of shit,and if you ever hurt or felt like you were in the wrong that was not your fault...you didn't do anything...you're the only reason why I still feel alive. I had lots of time to think down there...as I always do..."

"...Maritza...you're not guilty for what they did to you...I need to tell you something"

She looked eager to hear whatever she had to say,so Flaca didn't hesitate.

"When you were brought down...I caved...I beg you to believe me when I say it wasn't your fault...I did this to myself the way you do it with your disorder...I thought I could be strong...but between this and everything that happened before...I fell too..."

Realization dawned on Maritza as her eyes widened.

"Oh my God"the other woman bursted in tears as she grabbed her hands.

"You're cutting again?"

Flaca nodded and threw herself at Maritza.

The other woman tried to disentangle herself,clearly feeling guilty no matter what Flaca had just said,but she held her tighter.

"It's not your fault"

"It's always my fault...everything I touch I ruin"

"I had cut before Maritza,you know that..."

"You cut because of me"she sobbed out.

"No,no I cut over what had happened,which is different...I cut cause I felt guilty I had left you...you needed me there to hold you,not to keep you at arms' length".

Flaca pushed her towards herself and showed her the cut. Maritza gasped,but said nothing.

"This is NOT your fault,ever."

Maritza,looking more down than before, dragged herself towards the bag of hooch and looked at Flaca with new found abetment.

"So?What do you wanna do with it?"

Well,when she thought of that...her cut,which was starting to scar, was hurting like hell,and she was finally getting to share something with Maritza all over again,as the other woman took her first drink of hooch.

The decision wasn't really hard to take.

Flaca smiled back at her and drunk some of it as well.

* * *

 

"I ssstill luv you,hun"

"Yeah you do?"added Maritza surprised.

Flaca elbowed her softly,laughing.

"So d-do I"

Maritza leaned forward and protendere her lips trying to find Flaca's. Instead she ended up bumping on her right shoulder.

"I can't.."she shook her head and felt dizzy right away,as she drunk some more hooch "I can't see you straight..Flaqui"

Flaca tried to find her face the same way,but she basically ended up bumping their noses together.

"Booop"

They bursted into laughters together.

"MARRY CHRISTMAS EVERRRYBODY"

"Shh Mari...they could...could?yeah,they could hear us"

"I'm fucking drunk as a skunk"

"You're rrreally pret-ty tonight"

Maritza looked at her with puppy eyes as she went from laughters to tears in mere seconds.

She leaned forward and caught Flaca's lips with hers.

Very surprised that the other woman had kissed her back,she kept on going.

They laid back down on the cold floor looking at each other,hugging.

"I missed you Flaca"

"I missed you too,Mari"

They spent the whole night there,hugging each other..in that little world they had created...where nothing else mattered.


	11. Better days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To rekindle a relationship is not easy,but it's not hard to find back the light in the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LezzySmut,Flaritza gets some action during New Year's eve.

Out of sheer luck,on christmas night,they hadn't really been caught.

The previous five days had been all about getting to know each other all over again.

Maritza knew they were far from being healed or over their disorders,but having Flaca by her side was like owning a piece of heaven.

They hadn't talked about their relationship,save for the morning after the drinking spree in which they had had the fright of their lives thinking they had made it drunk...but asides from that,the young girl was confident they could've soon rekindled that type of relationship as well.

It was tricky to try stopping.

They were nowhere near close to it.

Flaca had joked that maybe she should've been chained to the table during meals,so they could've avoided running,and almost getting themselves a shot,but Maritza still held onto her usual routine. Being busy with her job,and rekindling her relationship with Flaca was truly helping her,but she still couldn't avoid the feeling of being high whenever she got to feel less empty,less like the world was falling over her.

On the other side,she knew that Flaca had the same problem,and she'd rather focus on that.

They would wrap some tape around her arms,draw on them with pencil and the markers they usually had for make up.

It was only fair they shall both try,for themselves and for each other,and above all for the love they had never stopped sharing.

She was overthinking again when Gloria sat by her at the table for lunch on new year's eve morning.

"Maritza...what I told you the other day?I didn't mean to just burst into tears...you know?I...sometimes..you're like two of my own..I was so disappointed in myself for not noticing this either,that I thought what's the point?I can't help them"

"It seemed like you didn't care..."

"I'll always care about you..."

"It didn't show..."

"Maritza,you and Marisol are the closest thing I've ever had to daughters...sometimes you remind me of my own sons,either in a good or bad way,when it comes to your disorders...I know I don't always show it,but you two matter  a lot to me and it would destroy me to lose you."

Nonetheless what had happened between the two of them,Maritza couldn't do anything else but believing the older woman..who for a matter of fact had always taken care of them.

There was no doubt she cared,when she was enveloped in Gloria's arms all over again.

* * *

 

New year's eve came by pretty fast.

Christmas they had been drunk,somehow been saved before they could be discovered,and the following four days had been about rekindling their relationship as much as they could.

Of course it was not really a big deal in prison,but it was still a moment of celebration for them all.

Some inmates would've surely been released,though that was not their case;some would've maybe finally gotten to find that somebody,or see their child again,or whatever...but it was looking up for them a bit.

The ache of not being in Litchfield hadn't faded,but it was less hard knowing they were there for each other.

It had been 3 months since they had left their old prison.

Sometimes they still wondered if they would've gotten to go back,but right about now what mattered the most was getting better,seeing the light,and hoping for better days. 

They went back to that storage room.

From afar they could hear voices as they partied away the night,mere minutes from midnight to come.

Maritza kissed Flaca,and finally got to do it for the first time without being drunk.

The other woman was surprised at first,but then she eagerly kissed her back as the two hit the wall,before crashing to the floor.

Maritza's hands traveled around.

She slowed down as she looked Flaca in the eyes.

In the time they had been together this could've been their first time doing it,and the older girl wanted to be sure her best friend,and newlyfound partner was fine with this as well.

"Are you sure,Flaca?I don't mean to do this without your consent"

"I've been wanting you to do this ever since christmas".

Maritza spoke no more. 

She let herself explore the signs on Flaca's skin. It was no secret,she would love her no matter what. They were both fighting to get better,someday they'd have scarred completely,and once they had faded a bit they would've just been battle reminders.

Maritza kept on kissing Flaca,from her lips,to her chin,till she wasn't right between her breasts.

Her eyes shined with desire even more,as they were mirrored by Marisol's look.

Pure hunger.

She didn't let herself be told twice. For never having done this with a woman Maritza felt more alive than she had ever been with anybody else,with any many. 

Flaca fit perfectly under her. She fit in her arms,and their hands seemed to complete each other,like mirrors.

She slowly and slowly made her way down Flaca's beautiful body,as she lowered her pants as well.

She could feel her own pussy pulsating as her fingers found her way to tease Flaca's.

Marisol could feel herself breathing hard,as she grinded against Maritza's leg.

"Mari..."

"Yeah my impatient babe"laughed out Maritza.

"You never call...me..babe"

"Then I ain't worthy..."Maritza moved aside laughing as her hands came back up,teasing her belly.

"Please...Mariiiii"

As quickly as she could Maritza came back down,her fingers traveling over Flaca's glory...quite the glory...hole...

Without the latter truly expecting it..she slipped in one,making her way into Marisol carefully.

She wanted Flaca to feel pleasure,but in order to do so she also needed to find out how to make her feel it. 

They slipped into a beautiful rythm,one they seemed to have been following forever. As Maritza slipped in the second finger,Flaca met it with a movement of her hips.

Maritza reached up with her left hand and covered Flaca's mouth.

"Fo fay o be quiet"

She pushed in faster and that did it for Flaca,as she screamed out her partner's name,before rolling over to top Maritza.

Whereas Maritza had worked with her hands,Marisol counted on kisses.

All along her body,stopping around her chest and stomach,right where everyday she could feel the aches and cramps of her disorder.

Flaca made her forget those,as much as she had hoped to make her forget her cuts.

She tried to put into those all the love she felt,and all the things she hadn't dared to say before.

When she was into her Maritza all they could feel where fireworks.

Not the ones which would've been heard from the outside once the clock had struck midnight,but the ones which were purely given by what they were sharing. 

Maritza's back arched under her as she screamed Flaca's name and reached her climax.

Life kept on going outside of that storage room,but for them life was just being with each other,and in love...finally together...as they had always been meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note:I don't usually write smut,so I hope I managed =) (I'm married to angst,as I like to say).


	12. Keep holding on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flaca and Maritza are trying to heal,but are troubles truly over for them?

January found them loving each other at every corner of the prison.

It felt like spring rather than winter,and Flaca felt already a bit better. Her old cuts were slowly healing and having the support of somebody like Gloria and by a certain extent the old Subs family as well was hella good.

It was hard to cut when you had nothing to cut with.

Gloria surely couldn't get rid of all the knives but she worked in the kitchen and so knives were very off limits,above all after what she had tried.

Any razor was off limits to her and mostly under the control of Maritza or one of their other friends. She would have them solely when she needed them for the things they had been born for.

It was just as hard to not look at them and think about the circumstances they had happened into,or to not try to somehow scratch them away.

Maritza had gifted her with all the ties she had managed to find in case she had ever needed to hurt herself and she had had nobody to talk to.

She still worried about the cuts being visible.

Flaca knew that most of the cos definitely didn't care,but she also knew there were some who had eyes as eagles and were waiting on people like her to make a mistake. The girl they had caught before christmas still hadn't come back. Flaca doubted they would've ever seen her again.

Like the creepy-o who had been watching them for quite the time,right about now.

It didn't surprise her when he passed by her that morning.

He had left something on her bed...more like many sharp things. She felt attracted to those,but she also knew he was trouble so she headed towards the kitchen to talk to Gloria as she made breakfast.

"And he left those on your bed?"

"Yeah...he looked creepy,not that he usually doesn't".

Gloria still remembered his look on that night,when she had had to lie to him. He had "chosen"to believe her,but he knew exactly what was going on and this made her worry a lot. After all,it was like they had found another Pornstache.

With the difference that he had no mustache,and his victims were mostly cutters,and definitely junkies as well.

"Look I asked around,even before you,this guy goes around taking advantage of junkies,he promises them shit,and he'll have them in his fist in a moment. So they do things for him to get what they want,and it's not necessarily about blowjobs."

"What do I do?"

"Try to stay away from him,if you or Maritza see him turn away from him,I'll try to see what's planning,but just stay away from trouble.God knows we've already had enough"

Flaca looked down.

"You didn't have to be a massive puta"it hurt her heart to hear the older woman say those things to her.

Gloria made sure she'd look her in the eyes.

"Chica,I'm just tryin to look out for you and your girlfriend.I've already had to reassure her many times I care,do you wanna be the same,or just trust in me?"

Flaca smiled and hugged her tightly before skipping out of the kitchen. She surely looked more lively than before.Or the last couple of months,anyways.

Gloria shrugged as she turned around to attend to the queue which had started forming in front of the counter.

* * *

 

A few days later,Flaca still felt more observed than ever.

No matter how much she and Maritza tried to avoid him,he'd still find a way to see and follow them.

He cornered her as she went to work,one of those days.

He didn't do anything,if not slipping something in her pocket,and only when he left did she dare to take a look at what he had given her.

Drugs.

She could've gotten mad at Gloria,now,but then she realized that if the woman hadn't lied about her sickness she wouldn't be with the people she loved in minimum at the moment.

Then again he was all about weak inmates,no matter what their disturbs.

If he and Pornstache had met,she was sure,they would've been good friends,and maybe Tucker could've given him some advices about taking advantage of inmates who were having a hard time. He was attracted to them like mots to flames.

He lived to make their lives much harder than they already were,and Flaca suspected that if Gloria had any knowledge about it before she had even told her about him following her,it was because Red had probably told her.

Flaca could've sworn that woman knew everything about everything,and she felt a bit safer.

She reached the bathroom in record time and got rid of the said bag,before rushing back to work. 

Shots were still not her thing.

* * *

By the end of that week she was sure they were following her,and by some extent Maritza,and that was what they were set on doing.

In truth she was more worried about them taking her anger on her girlfriend rather than her.

He had left drugs under her bed sheets another time,and Flaca was losing her mind,trying to get away from the thought of wanting to cut again.

She was still trying to live the new normal,was helping Maritza,trying to make her feel she was worth it,make her understand her body was not her enemy,but it was so hard to do it when somebody was dead set on making you fall.

They had been seen,and now every corner felt unsafe.

Flaca lamented Litchfield once again. At least she had known that place as a second home,if something had ever happened there,she would've known where to hide.

Here,there was nowhere to hide,and less people to go to. 

She felt like a cornered animal,skittish and ready to defend herself and the woman she loved.

She didn't want any weapons,but her hands could've surely done something.

It was in that moment she felt more than thankful that most of them were still there,as she tried to approach somebody who could've taught her at least the ropes from what she had heard.

That evening Flaca went looking for one still very angry and completely changed Brooke Soso.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little Note:Tucker is named after Tucker from Wynonna Earp. So if you watch it,we must all agree he's hella creepy.


	13. The scientist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tucker's group is bent on making Flaritza's life hell.

Maritza entered the bathroom at the same time as usual.

Flaca had been held back to talk to somebody,but she knew the other woman she trusted she would've been back soon.

_"You're great...you're body is perfect..and it doesn't deserve to pay for what they did to you. You've already been forgiven by me,you don't need to hurt yourself"._

She could always hear the same voice in her head telling her to not do this,and she found it was now easier to feel like she was finally getting somewhere.

Maritza knew her weight wasn't right,she knew this wasn't right and the first step towards getting better was admitting that there was something of wrong.

Yet she still hadn't renounced to this.

Flaca had been able to stop her from doing this in the morning,distracting her in any way,but doing it at night was like a ritual,even when it hurt,even when it burned.

She left the stall and walked towards the sink,trying to not let the tears fall.

She looked at herself in the mirror and squared her shoulders...crying wouldn't have taken her nowhere. It was a lesson she had learned already and the hard way as well.

She rinsed her mouth and washed her face,then turned around to leave.

Or she would've left...if it hadn't been for a group of women blocking her way.

Now Maritza was well aware that this type of situation wasn't either safe or good for herself and she wondered where everyone else had gone. Because she could've used some crowd right about now,and she wanted no more trouble than she had already been into since september and the riot.

"Look who's here...the psycho bitch"

"I thought doing drugs was bad,but you don't seem to think so"

"Woah she has a foul mouth,this one"said what seemed to be the leader of her group.

With her arms on her hips she looked a bit like Maria as she lead her own gang. The dominican girl had never threatened her fellow latinas,but she surely had looked quite threatening as she strolled the halls during the riot. Maritza was aware it must have been happening long before that,but she had been too busy to notice.

She pushed her against the wall,but Maritza pulled her hair.

The bitch managed to free herself before swinging a punch at her.Straight to her stomach.

Maybe somebody else could've easily stood back up,but that kneeing doubled up the pains and cramps in her stomach,'till she wasn't bent on the floor,clutching at it,gagging and whimpering like a child.

Her two friends kicked the floor from under her hands,till she wasn't lying in there waiting for the next blow.

She heard one whispering in her ear.

"Tell your friend,girlfriend,whatever the fuck she's to you that she's done for..she's the next".

The woman drew out a razor as the other two held her down.

Maritza couldn't avoid breathing hard,and trying to wiggle herself out of their clutch.

They all bursted into crazed laughters as they left the razor on the floor to keep on hitting her,till they weren't basically jumping on her.

When they were satisfacted with the damage they had caused,the leader of the group picked her up and dragged her by the shirt into one of the showers,before fully opening the cold freezing water.

She dragged herself to the furthest corner of the shower,trying to get away from them and the cold quickly settling in her bones.

"Hijas de puta"

Maritza slipped to the floor,just as she heard somebody entering the bathroom.

The voice sounded familiar to her,but she was in a fog,and when she coughed there was blood in her hands. She just hoped it had nothing to do with her insides.

"Maritza"

Kneeing right above her was one very pissed off Gloria,trying to assess the damage.

"We need help"

Flaca was there too. She could see her on the other side,could feel her grabbing holding her hand,squeezing it tightly,even if her senses were dulled and she was shivering and hurting. She could feel her other hand on her cheek,trying to calm her down.

"Baby,they're getting you help don't worry"

She felt like her mouth was stuffed with cotton as she tried to say something to her lover.

"I...lo.."

"Shh,Maritza keep calm,you're gonna be okay"

"I love you..."

She felt herself slipping slowly into unconsiousness as all the sounds faded,and so did her sight.

They had messed shit up again.

"I love you too.."

Flaca stood up angrily and tried to reach out for the three bitches who had done this,but before she could do anything she was stopped by Gloria.

It was when  the three women set out to escape before being caught by the cos they had called for.

Two bailed far too quickly,but Flaca managed to block on the floor the third one,with some of the moves she had been taught,and before noticing what she was doing,she was punching her square in the face,and wherever she could think of hurting her.

"What's going on in here,inmates?"

She was only roused by the voice of two co's,one of which was tearing her apart from the bitch under her.

Gloria tried to rely them what she had seen,as Flaca got handcuffed,and so did the other woman.

She tried to reach out for her girlfriend,but she couldn't.

"What?I didn't do anything...they hurt her."

"Please,sir,it was self defense"added Gloria,trying to justify her.

Flaca spotted another figure coming into the room,and noticed right away it was Tucker.

"She didn't do anything,but maybe a few days in solitary will help her understand what she almost did"

Marisol looked with wide eyes at her,as she tried to wiggle out of the other co's grip.

"I didn't do anything,please...don't take me there"

She didn't mind shu since she had been trying to help her girlfriend,but she couldn't leave Maritza right now. Not now,when she was hurting so much,and she hadn't been fast enough to protect her.

It was all she could do to look back at the bathroom as Maritza was wheeled out of it in a gurney,while she was pushed away to solitary.

The only thing she could be thankful was that there was somebody who could've actually made her better now,and it would've only been a couple of days before she had been back.

Tucker brought her down the hill,arms twisted painfully behind her back,before leaning close to her ear.

"You'll do as I say,or it will be more than a couple of days in here...and your girlfriend will pay for you,okay?"

Flaca could do nothing but nodding out of fear.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Maritza just received a beating by Tucker's bitches,what's gonna happen now?Stay tuned for chapter 14.


	14. Everybody hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When more trouble comes around Flaca tries to solve it the best way she can.

Shu got boring pretty quickly,and Flaca finally understood what had driven Maritza crazy.

There was nobody to talk to,nothing to do,not even a tiring job to bring to an end.

Sometimes she thought of cutting,sometimes she did,lightly,with the only weapon she had left(her nails)but she couldn't push away the worry for her girlfriend.

Two days were a long time,when the last time you had seen your significant other,she was lying on a gurney after a bad beating.

Flaca had felt herself losing her mind at first,but she knew she had to go above that.

She had taken the deal without second thoughts,but also lots of regrets.

If Flaca hadn't done it,Maritza would've been in trouble....and more than herself,she cared for the woman who had totally stolen her heart.

Tucker's request had hurt her...it was almost an insult to some of those people she had gotten to befriend now that they weren't in Litchfield anymore...but it was the only way out.

She had accepted smuggling drugs fully knowing it could've gotten her in more trouble than she was already into.

The first night,she had sat on the bed just staring at the wall and wondering if she had just fucked her life up forever...blamed herself for being so stupid to fall onto this road all over again,when the last time this had happened they had been fake,and it had been enough to get her sent to prison.

But by the morning of the second day,before she could think of punching the wall or hurting herself with the broken and surely infectious iron of the bed,which was surely infected and would've only served to make her sick again,Flaca realized it had been her only choice...and it was better than being dead or in serious danger.

She remembered how Maritza had told her that her only outlet for anger had been punching the wall and she truly followed into it,but it was all she did,before remembering that ruining her hands would've been of no help to nobody.

Strangely enough,she knew that if she had hurt herself the man would've had another reason to go after her.

Not that he didn't know.

Hell,Flaca was pretty sure that he knew the true reason behind her being in the shu and that whole mess depended on the fact she was cutting. 

He had only followed the lead,the false one he had been given by Gloria,but if there was one thing she had never wanted were true drugs.

She would've never done them.

She could've even sold them,to keep the little family they were safe,but she would've never dared to ruin it all like that.

She had already ruined somebody else's life like that once,long before,before Litchfield and being happy one more time.

Her mind was occupied enough by her girlfriend that the hurt would often be tangled up with memories of Maritza.

Her cutting had slowly toned down recently,she was sure that she'd have been able to stop. She had already managed once.

Stopping was worrying about a problem less.

Then she could've worried about bringing Tucker and his stupid gang down.

* * *

 

Maritza woke up after an entire day of sleeping. She had been relied so by the nurse.

The doc had hardly shown up since she had woken up,but then again..it was always like that.

"Inmate Ramos,how are you feeling?"

"I'm much better,or as good as I could be"she still was in a world of pain,but it was much better than spitting blood like she had been doing just a couple of days prior.Luckily she had just been losing it from her mouth,or else she'd have already been carted off to the hospital.

She looked with her good eye up at him,not even bothering to try with her other one as it was swollen shut.

He was frowning.

"You should try to put on some weight,Ramos"

She nodded,without speaking,and he left,as she laid back down.

He had almost found out,she was sure...then again if he had..if he had maybe it could've helped her.

Her upper body was still aching with the kicks,and her legs still felt like the poor jell-o she had just gotten fed with.

If she had dared to stand up,Maritza was sure,she would've fallen back down,and hurt herself more.

It was a long boring day. Even longer since she was awake.

Being asleep had given her some time to rest,being awake meant not only hurting,but thinking about the thousand of problems they had..and how Flaca must have been feeling down there.All alone,and cold.Maritza would've given anything to hold her...but she was sure that Marisol was faring far better than she ever had down there. 

She had faith that Flaca would've come out of it stronger,rather than weaker. She was the strong one,the one who had never given up.

If only to show Flaca that she was deserving of being with her,Maritza would've tried harder to get through that.

Still,the night was so cold and lonely that she wished Flaca could've been there,walking towards her bed,still slightly limping from the injury which had almost ended her and holding her hand.

She had almost lost her,and Maritza hadn't been there. No matter how many times she was told,sometimes she still thought it was her fault and lying around only fueled more her bulimic self harming and self hatred thoughts.

It made her burst in tears,set her back of a thousand years in her recovery...and it was the first time in a month that she felt completely alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flaca has accepted a dangerous deal,Maritza is trying to recover.What's gonna happen next?We'll only know in the next chapter.


	15. Take me home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gloria is deep into solving the mess.Flaca is keeping things from everybody,and Maritza is just hurting a lot.

On the morning of third day in infirmary,Gloria came to visit with good news.

She was there to bring her back to the dorm,and there was somebody waiting for her.

It was more than anything she had had in the last two days,and it made everything a bit better,considering the hell she had been through last night.

Maritza stood up from the bed,and limped her way towards the door,with the older woman helping her.

Gloria thanked the doctor,giving him a look Maritza didn't understand,and then they were out.

She kept one arm around her stomach for the whole time. It was still hurting from the beating,and cramping with her wishes to inflict herself pain all over again.

"Keep your head high,chica,we'll make them pay for this"

The older woman had to have registered the pain written all over her face,and Maritza prayed to get to the dorm soon,so that she could've just stayed in bed.

Gloria had tried to convince the nurse to help her smuggle out some pain meds,but she had received a negative answer.

He had already allowed her to carry meds around when Marisol was sick,and he couldn't risk it again. They both knew meds weren't allowed into dorms at all. That was,unfortunately,the rule.

She understood,but also hated him for that. He had told her to help Maritza,help her heal from her disturb,not just these wounds,but he didn't know what it was like.

It had been one time,and Gloria had dared to think they could've been helped again. What a fool she had been.

She helped Maritza into her bed,and asked her to wait.

* * *

 

The cuban woman walked around the prison,lookin for what she needed but when she got to the spot,she remembered. The kids had stolen it on christmas day,and just because they had been helped by that creepy guard of Tucker, they hadn't been discovered. Gloria felt her blood freezing everytime he passed by her.

"Fuck"

She came back in,to find Flaca sitting on Maritza's bed. For one moment she just let them be.

"Hey,how are you?"

"How am I?Mari,I'm not the one who received a beating."

"Good point"

"You're spitting blood,it was horrible"

"Turns out it was just my mouth.."

"How could they let you out?You don't look good,honey"

"Way to praise your girlfriend,babe"

It was then that Flaca turned to look at Gloria,but the woman just shrugged. She frankly wasn't surprised. She had seen plenty of women being sent back still wounded and hurting,she had seen how in Litchfield the doctor hadn't really been there when the fight between Kukudio and Warren had happened. And she was pretty sure that somebody had made sure Maritza didn't get to stay a day more in infirmary.

Sure none of the people in Litchfield's infirmary had been particularly caring,but they had been considerate enough to know how long to keep Red in,and not only her.

Here she was sure they had made enough enemies for this to happen. It clearly had to be revenge after Flaca had refused him.

Nobody refused Tucker.

She bent in front of the bed and looked both the girls in the eyes.

"They're not letting me bring meds out of infirmary and I have no more hooch thanks to you two drinking it all at Christmas".

Gloria lightly slapped Flaca in the head,then drew back looking down.

They both looked pretty ashamed,but she was sure it had been a good memory anyways,because there was quite the glint to their eyes.

"What do we do,Gloria?"

"Let me solve this shit"

Flaca herself thought of offering what she had been given,but then she realized they couldn't know. She had been very well explained that if she had said something,they would've hurt her girlfriend again,and her as well. She had only accepted because she wanted to protect her prison family.

Gloria walked out of the room.

* * *

 

When the older woman came back,she felt like she had managed to finally do something right that day.

The ex-subs had managed to present her with some improptu hooch,enough to put Maritza out for a few hours,or at last allow her to sleep at night.

She had been put off work till she hadn't managed to get better,but Gloria knew this was gonna be a venture.

A good part of recovery would've been eating right,but she knew what Maritza's habits were,and she was well aware of the hell they were about to face.

"No,I don't need it"

"Take it,ya' stubborn child"

Maritza refused and turned around,trying to hide her discomfort.

The right side of her face was hurting,just from how badly swollen her eye was. Her legs and just her entire body were full of bruises and abrasions,and on top of her stomach hurting for several reasons,she had two bruised ribs,which made it hard to breathe,and even to move.

She tried to sleep,even after Flaca's caring attentions,and soft hugs...she still couldn't.

She tried to turn,but even turning made her jolt up with pain.

At a certain point through the night,Gloria got fed up with the kid's behavior and pride,so she stood up,got the hooch from the hiding place and kneed in front of her bed,for the second time that day.

"Think you can take some now?"

The cuban wasn't sure it would've been ideal to give it to her.After all not everybody could drink alcohol on an empty stomach,even less the hazard that was hooch,but she had no time nor a chance to duel on that,so she just handed it to Maritza,hoping the younger girl would've accepted it without saying a thing.

Maritza,did take it....she didn't say a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember,always guys.We exist,we're real and we deserve to be happy and be validated.(Happy belated bday to Dianne,who's the cutest thing ever). =)


	16. What doesn't kill you...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flaca's troubles continue,as Maritza tries to get better.

After a couple of weeks it truly hadn't gotten much easier,and they had put her back at work.

Not that she enjoyed it,but she guessed they must have gotten fed up with her just lying around and not "contributing"to prison life,and with the reason why they had had to put her out of work before...with two bruised ribs and no way to stand up without hurting,be it her legs or her back,at least not without her cursing them into a painful death.

The women would've been punished very soon,but she could hardly find any satisfaction in that.

She couldn't seem to find the right position in her bed without hurting. Flaca would usually be there to hold her,but the hurt was never fully washed away. There had been some wrapping the first time,when she had ended up in infirmary,but now they really didn't care anymore,so every breath hurt even more than it could've with her ribs being wrapped.

The cuts and the bruises were healing;she could finally open her eye without feeling like somebody was pulling at it...but it was eating up at her.

She could've tried to engage in her usual disturb,she would've really liked to,but somehow,in the latest days Gloria had managed to keep her away from that. Maritza had felt her cramps pulling at her,but whenever she was ready to get on her knees and stick those two fingers in her troath,pain would be thrown back at her,as she felt the stabbing one in her ribs.

Maritza was already hurting enough without even looking for it.

She was not over with,and just as Flaca she had realized it was wrong,but oh how she wished she could've engaged in it.

The older woman had told her she was gonna help her even if the nurse was deadset on not helping them as openly as before anymore,then at least she would've tried to ask him some advice about her disturb.

Maritza trusted in her,so she just shut up and tried to get better. She had somebody now,she didn't want to disappoint. Her family may not care anymore,but her prison family surely did,and that was enough to help her pull through the day.

She wasn't really working even though she was back at it,but she still had to walk around like nothing had happened. Those bitches were still in shu,and she probably would've gotten to do something,legally,against them,but it wasn't over just like that.

Tucker had many women on his corner,in her dorm and the others,even between other guards,she was sure.

It was like a battle being over,before being really faught. If they wanted to bring him down,they needed to do better than that. They should've been smarter.

Her ribs still hurting,she sat down close to the garden and looked at prison life going on. It looked pretty still,or so it could've if she hadn't been having lots of thoughts on her head.

It was complicated. She knew their health was slowly getting better,they were trying to get it better,but...Maritza knew that whenever they got to be happy,there would always be trouble around.

She knew that as soon as they had found happiness,somebody or something would've taken it away from them. It was like that every damn time.

Maritza knew there was trouble around the corner,or it was already there,anyways.

* * *

 

She was never gonna do that shit.

She saw what it was doing and had done to others,and she was willing to sell if needed,to save her people,but not this.

She felt like shit just by giving it to others,or everytime she received the next stash to sell off.

He had control over her,and he could've done anything,anything to get back to her.

It was simple.Give them this,they'll give you that...it was that simple...to destroy life,even without really wanting to.

She would've once again resorted to cutting,but she had been doing without her homemade remedies for a couple of weeks,she didn't mean to disappoint herself or anybody else.they bring him down. Flaca had promised to never do it again,and how could she have ever failed?

It was enough she was forced to do this,but to try throwing her life away like that one more time?Flaca couldn't have efforded it.

So she kept on selling,without cutting but deep inside she was afraid of the least?move.If she had screwed up,they'd have all been screwed up.


	17. ...makes you stronger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari tries to get better,even though it's hard.Flaca just wants some help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here goes chapter 17.What are our babies up to?

 Maritza sat back in bed and brought an hand to her chest. She had concluded it was just a very bad day for her.

It was her third week back,and soon it would've been march.

Everytime she moved,however, it seemed to hurt even more,and they hadn't really been able to rewrap it since she had been back,so she tried to lay down to ease some pressure,but without any success.

She had overworked herself,down at the laundry. They had put her there after they had come back from Chicago. There was a lot of bending and turning to do...and it hurt...more than it should've.

She really had nobody to turn to at the moment so she tried to keep calm and quell her fears,but it was hard all alone.

Maritza cried silent tears,as she remembered that in moments like these the only people she had were on the inside. They were enough love for a lifetime and she was grateful cause she was sure they'd have been nobody outside when she had finally come back. Not even her daughter...surely not her daughter.

Every jumbled thought she had about her poorly lead life just made her feel sicker,and ready to throw up,and she didn't know if it was heaven sent,but before she could do it on the floor,a bucket was set under her. The pain had made her so sick that she laid back down,before looking up.

When she did,she spotted Gloria right away.

"Doing any better?"

Maritza shook her head,and regretted it right away. The cuban woman looked down at her with sympathy.

The kid had just thrown her guts up in front of her after all.

"Here,I brought something".

It wasn't exactly bandages,more like a shirt she seemed to have cut open,but it looked good enough to hold,she even had stuff to tape it with.

"How are you so resourceful?".

Gloria shrugged and sat down to do the job on her own. Sometimes she found ways to do it herself,sometimes she needed to ask for help,but if these months had taught her something it was to be resourceful and always have an eventual plan B. It made her feel much safer,knowing they were in constant trouble.

She didn't mind the help,but those two kids were  hella troubled,much more than they had been in Litchfield where she had met them,so she had asked Red about it,and the woman had smiled and complied to giving her some advices.

She felt around a little bit,before starting to tape them.

Maritza tried to move out of the way.

"Cuidado,Mamà"*

Gloria stopped dead in her tracks and looked the younger girl in the eyes.

Maritza looked back at her half-surprised,before looking down at her lap. She had pissed Gloria off. She was sure. No way in hell she could've ever accepted Maritza calling her like that.

But before she could think of walking out on Gloria again,the woman captured her in her arms and held her as tightly as she could without hurting her,tears streaming down her face.

"Don't worry,siempre vas a ser mi hija*You and Marisol. Siempre".

* * *

Flaca knew she was bursted with one single look.

That woman,who had very much become like a second mother to her,had known as soon as she had noticed how oddly she was behaving.

"What are you doing,Marisol?"

She was crouching in front of the locker trying to hide some cocaine. But she raised her hands up right away.

She had been living in the box in front of Mari's and Gloria's,what had even been the point?

Flaca raised her hands like she had been caught by a CO.

"Watcha got down there?"

"She stood up abruptly and lowered her arms.

"Nothing,absolutely nothing..."

"Marisol,what are you hiding?Give it to me,now"

She walked as fast as she could with the damned thing still in her hand and tried to reach the garden,but when she did Gloria caught her,and she fell to her knees. She was grateful nobody really saw them,or they would've been in trouble.

Gloria literally ripped it out of her hands,and held it in front of her face with inquisitori eyes.

"What the fuck is this?Next way to destroy the progresses you're making?New thing cause I don't let you cut anymore?"

"It's not..."

"What?Que carajo es eso?*"

"It's not mine.OK,IT'S NOT MINE.I DIDN'T WANNA DO THIS...I WAS AFRAID"she screamed,before sobbing out "he was gonna hurt you...and I can't lose you and Maritza...you're family. You're my family".

"Who asked you?"

"Tu...Tuck...Tucker"

Gloria didn't add anything more. She hugged the kid to herself,before thinking that this had only been meant to happen. She should've known sooner. The only thing she could be grateful for was that Flaca had never touched any of that stuff. That much was clear to her.

"Did he ask you to do anything?"

"He always asks the others...but he says I'm different...he thinks it's better to torture me like this. He knew I would've done it,and cutters don't submit as easily. He knew he couldn've gotten me to do him. He's too clever when it comes to chosing who does what,especially if it's to his own benefit."

Gloria looked around herself. Where had safety even gone?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *You're always gonna be my daughter.  
> **What the fuck is this


	18. Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flaca tries to bring down Tucker,planning on setting herself and the other inmates under his clutches,free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning:sexual harassment,almost rape.

The plan was quickly formed.

Gloria had eventually consulted with Red and the others and this was the only way to catch him doing the wrong thing.

She was ready and she believed in them all. 

Flaca knew that with them by her side nothing would've come to happen.

She remembered when such a thing had happened to Daya,and how it had all fallen through because of several reasons,not just the riot. But she needed him to be out of their lives,so the plan involved the drugs he was selling.

If he had eventually managed to get out he surely wouldn't have gotten to come back here. Even if he had tried his hardest.

Flaca walked towards one of the storage rooms of the prison and waited. She had given him a time and a place,now it was their chance to put everything into action and bring Tucker down once and for all.

He walked in with the usual air of an asshole he carried when he knew he was about to pull bad stuff. She had seen him wear the same one as he picked on more than one of his stupid helpers. She had wondered many times how they could've possibly wished to be involved with him,when she was dying to get out of his clutches and come out of this stronger. She just wanted to go back to her recovery,and this was only putting an halt to hit.

Flaca needed this to be over,so that there could've finally been just her and Maritza trying to get better.

"Gonzalez,you always make it hard to get to you...you're not like the others"

She crossed her hands to her chest and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Maybe because I'm not as stupid as the others?"she smiled at him seductively,when deep inside it was disgusting her,and stroked his arm.

He licked his lips creepily and undid his belt,as he was left only in his boxers.

Quickly he grabbed onto both her shoulders and pushed her to her knees. Flaca took it as her cue to try doing what they had planned to do.

But before she could've screamed bloody murder and hear the saving steps behind the door,right through hallway he grabbed her hair and pulled at them.

He discarded his boxers and pulled at them again.

"SUCK IT"

Flaca shook her head,refusing and he only got angrier.

He shoved her to the floor forcefully before kicking her in the stomach.

The kick blew the wind out of her,but she couldn't do anything. He did it again and again.

When he was done with her middle he started kicking right where her old cutting scar was.

It made her scream as the old pain in her left leg came back.

He kneed by her,and pressed his cock to said leg,grinding and humping back and forth against the fabric of her pants,as he squeezed her breasts roughly. She considered herself lucky when he seemed to be more interested in getting himself off onto her rather than raping her.Still it made shivers run down her spine,tears started streaming down her face,and feel like throwing up.

Somebody must have heard them,because a few moments after he had reached his climax and before he could've threatened with something far more harmful to her person,meaning rape;the door flung open,showing two very angry officers,with the warden of the prison.

He took it as his chance and drew a gun. Flaca remembered him assembling it piece by piece,bringing it in,to not be discovered,and now he was pointing it at her.

He had laughed at her as he put it together,seeing her horrified expression. She had looked at him use it to threaten some others.Into storage rooms,he had fake pulled the unfinished trigger at them,and the women had bent to his favor and orders everytime they wished to stray from the path he had chosen for them,and at the same time had been chosen by themselves.

Her terrified eyes fixed the barrell,then he shot.

 


	19. Girlfriend in a coma/This girl is on fire.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened to Flaca and Maritza after the big fact?Let's find out in this chapter.

It wasn't really easy to wait.

A few times around Maritza even chose to indulge in her old disorder,but the pull towards her girlfriend was stronger.

At first she had felt extremely guilty for having sent her by herself,for ever having agreed to the plan;but she also knew that if one thing was true in life it was that it would always curveballs at you.That you were hardly ever gonna get what you expected.

She had even meant to start something then thought twice of it. She still remembered the last time somebody had tried to do something about the shitty system. Death and more moving were not options. Rioting was not an option.

The strong march rains had left place to the soft hot breeze may's early summer,and all Maritza had been relied up till that point was that Flaca was okay...even though it had been rough.

She had also been told that Flaca had never exactly been awake,but only in and out of consciousness,then back to sleep.Sometimes she had called for her,and Maritza had wished she could've been there to tell her she needed to wake up because there was no Ramos without Gonzalez. No true life to live without Flaca by her side. Without the woman who had accompanied her through her hour of darkness,and for whom she had always tried to do the same.

They were planning on waking her up sometime soon,anyways.

Maritza stood up from her bunk and walked into the main hallway.

She could've never looked at the place the same way ever again.

_There was so much blood._

_Maritza had never seen so much...she just knew it was comin out of the woman she loved and she was staining her uniform with it,and screaming like there was no tomorrow._

_She barely had the time to get to a passed out Flaca,before she got held back._

_"Please,please,let me go...let me be with her...I love her"_

_The two paramedics had looked at her with sympathy then shook their heads._

_She had known in hindisght she couldn't have gone...but still she had dared to hold onto the hope that she could have. She took the shaking as a bad sign,and started feeling sick to her stomach._

_Maritza felt two strong arms hugging her from behind,the way they had done so many times and for how much she could appreciate Gloria being there,she started trashing into them._

_Flaca was all that mattered at the moment,the blood in her hands was all that mattered right there and then._

_"Wait...Gloria...please..."in the silence,only her screams could be heard.Maritza knew that to them all,Flaca was already dead for sure._

"Ramos...Ramos...inmate Ramos".

She got shaken out of her thoughts by a gentle CO who had never really given any sort of problems to inmates.

"Ramos,good news,you're coming with me today."

"Wha?I'm sorry officer,but...why?"

"We're going to see Gonzalez. I've heard they might wake her up today"

Maritza got instantly reminded of some of the old Litchfield guards. He looked kind hearted just like Fischer,but was very chubby like O'Neill.

Her eyes,however,lightened up at the mention of her girlfriend,whom she hadn't been able to see in two months.

"Me?Really?"

"We'll get you ready,we don't have much time,I think you do know the drill Ramos"

Despite having never really been on furlough or "improptu visits to the hospital"in the almost five years she had been in prison,she had heard a bit about it,and she was aware of some of the procedures,enough to hurry up as much as was allowed,so that she could've spent as much time as she could've with Flaca.

She only looked back once as the bus pulled out of the prison,and towards the very close hospital.

* * *

 

The white,or the chemicals didn't really do much to her. She remembered all those things from when she had been in the hospital giving birth to her daughter. What hit her for real was the silence.

Besides Flaca she could only see a woman,who looked like an older version of the woman she was head over heels for.It was how she unusually ended up meeting Flaca's mother again.

It had been a couple of years.

"Maritza?You're here?"

"They allowed me to come,stay for a couple of hours"the woman felt much more of a home to her than her family had ever felt. And they had only met twice in five years.

"I saw her...some weeks before..."that"happened.She looked worried,but there was clearly some sparkle in her eyes...it had to be all about you carino(dear)."

"She had ended up in bad business to save our asses,I just hope this didn't make things worse for her"

Flaca's mother grimaced.

"I do know what you're talking about...but they never found out.No compassionate discharge,the doctors say she'll be making a full recovery...,but she won't be facing any more time for this.She told me,what she was going true,but luckily they don't . There was nothing on her when they brought her here.But they also did something good...and they actually reduced her penalty of a year."

"Wow..now we'll be definitely getting out together,or something close to that."

"Do you love my daughter?I used to see the way she'd look at you through the window of the meeting room"

"I always have...just took us both a long time to figure it out...but we're tough nuts to crack."

"I won't be able to be there for her as I'd like to be,as I should be..."

"I'll be there. I promise I'll always be there"

She turned to look at Flaca. The only thing she saw in the younger girl's eyes were love and lots of stubborness to succeed in helping Flaca get back to her life.

Mrs. Gonzalez had told her pretty much everythin she had been told. That she felt blessed cause her daughter had survived even though the bullet had lodged in her spine...that once she had woken up she'd have had to get around with a wheelchair because they were pretty sure she wouldn't have stood on her own any time soon. That they had been brutally honest but at least she knew what they were in for...

Maritza took in the sight of several tubes,and the cannula but she felt relieved to know they were mostly there out of precaution.

"You could press charges..."

"I did...but I'm also realistic...I know..they'll be doing next to nothing...he's a cop...no matter the horrible things he did,in a few months he'll be out,and with a new job...not at the same place,but still a guard.And if the judge takes a little bit more of sympathy in my daughter's case then he'll be given house arrest.But hell soon be free anyways. Don't doubt that,Maritza."

The younger girl scooted closer to the bed and went to hold Flaca's hand,trying to not disturb all the wires attacked.

She bent over to her ear and whispered:"I'll always be there...I'll take care of you,don't worry.Wake up...It's time to wake up,Marisol"

The hand she was holding twitched slowly under her and squeezed back,before she could hear soft moaning coming from those beautiful lips.

"Mari,turn off the lights they blinding me"

"Flaca,mi amor...estoy aqui...no te preocupes...siempre te voy a cuidar*"

"I love you too Mari...."

Those eyes...which had been shut for two months,had just opened again,to look at her...and tell her what she had been waiting to her from her all over,everyday since she had been gone from her side.

"Marisol,querida...mami esta aqui tambien...mami te quiere mucho**"

"Ma..."

"I'm here"the older woman squeezed her hand as well,as Flaca slowly came back to consciousness,eyes still half closed but trying to regain their bearings.

Her daughter nodded. Flaca felt finally safe.

* * *

 

When June rolled around the doctors finally felt it was safe for Flaca to go back to prison,so she was in the infirmary for quite a bit.It had been three months since the showdown.

She really wasn't allowed to visit again,and for all those weeks she was incredibly worried.

But once those weeks were over,and June had almost turned into July,Maritza felt confident once more.

Her smile only came back when she saw Flaca rolling towards her.The bullet had struck her spine,and as much as she was trying with rehab,she was aware that she might never be the same again.

And yet Flaca was smiling,and it looked like a burden had been taken off her chest. She was smiling much more than before.

The doctors had strangely not found out about her cutting again,thinking it was old stuff,but she had had some therapy for some time now and she felt already better,lookin at Maritza she could see that her girlfriend was doing just as good.She seemed to have gained some weight,and she didn't look deadly pale anymore. Her smile had returned as well.

The other girl run towards her,and slipped to the floor in front of her,kissing her.

"Inmates..no touching"

They kept it up a little bit longer 'till they weren't separated. The guard was about to escort Flaca to the dorms,but Maritza offered herself.

"No need,officer.I ll do it myself". Maritza felt like the happiest person in the world,getting her girlfriend back in one piece and finally safe.

* * *

  _August 2015_

After may she had chosen to apply as an OCA. Maritza had voluntereed,as most usually did and they had welcomed the idea. She had finally felt like life was truly taking a turn for good this time around. She had trained for a lot of diseases and ilnesses,but mostly she had tried to learn as much as she could about what Flaca might be facing coming back.

They had noticed,and she had been given quite some work,which had rewarded her with wonderful feelings,but most of all she had been waiting for Flaca,waiting to be the one to take care of her,show them too their love went deeper than anything,after havin asked them to let her take care of her.

Of course they had looked at her suspiciously,but in the end they had caved.

"Yeah,there you go..."

Maritza helped her onto the wheelchair,by steading her and holding her weight, then rolled her to the movies'room.

Flaca still had to get used,but Maritza had never once complained and it made her feel like crying. She knew she could've never found somebody like Mari ever again,if they had been separated forever.Not even if she had tried.

Apparently the warden had something to tell her.

"Hey ruedillas(mini-wheels)"

Flaca nodded at the others in the room,as Maritza fixed the brakes and went to sit by her side.

August was way warmer than they could've expected.

Flaca still hadn't taken a step,but both of them truly believed she could've done it someday. Or maybe she never would've.But even in that case,they both knew they d have been at each other's side. Maritza would've been there to lift her up as much as she could or help her if she ever got stuck in her clothes,no matter Flaca being taller,or them both getting older.

"You may have noticed,inmates,that only those who were in Litchfield are here today"

The two looked at each other,and shrugged. It felt like a lifetime ago they had been caught during the riot,and climbed on two separate buses,thinking they'd have never been together ever again.At least not in this life.

"I've just been notified that as of yesterday,august 4th 2015,said prison went back to being operative.With a new warden and new stuff.In light of what happened and recent investigations we've decided to return all of you to Litchfield,and in hope the prison you left behind,will be far different and better from what you left.The moving will be concrete in September.As of now you have all successfully been transferred.Enjoy the movie ladies."

He looked pretty tired and like he had dealt with lots of bullshit,but they didn't mind the kindness.Not after what they had been through.

He left the room to a lot of murmurs,and shut the door behind them before the movie started,as if nothing had just happened.

But Flaca and Maritza had been left shocked.

They had never been able to imagine such a day would've come. They would ve gotten to see the place where their romance had been born all over again. It was the place where they had met. It was the place where to start the rest of it. They couldn't have been readier.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Flaca,my love,I'm here..don't worry..I'm always gonna take care of you.  
> **Marisol,honey,mommy is here...mom loves you so much.


	20. Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daily life for Flaritza and something more...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a wonderful journey to share with you all. I hope I paid these two characters justice....here goes the last chapter.

Even having followed the program,it still was hard sometimes and Maritza and Flaca would've to get creative. 

Which was the reason why Maritza was basically holding her whole weight up in the shower,but Flaca didn't mind.

"Getting all steamy there Gonzalez?"

Flaca smiled and joked back "You don't seem to mind Ramos"Maritza had just kissed her exposed neck again,sending shivers down her. Her upper half felt quite a lot and made up for what didn't work in the lower.

"That's pretty right"

Sure things had improved,but they both knew Flaca had basically gotten very lucky...though they had been left pretty much alone after she had come back.

There were still things to be fixed in the system,and Maritza had heard all sort of bad things about being disabled and in prison in the last month. Volunteering as an OCA had taught her that too. But still she would've tried everything she could've to make sure Flaca got treated right.She would've made sure she was safe.

Everybody knew to not fuck with her woman's safety.

She had been even happier when instead of the wheelchair used to make sure inmates didn't do anything with it,the one with four wheels,had been replaced by a normal one,and Flaca had finally been able to push herself as well.

"Alright,ruedillas,wanna get out?My toes and fingers are all withered like a plum."

Time had gone by pretty fast. She reasoned the waiting had gone just as fast. Tomorrow they'd have been in Litchfield again,after waiting for an entire month. 

Maritza took a glance at the wheelchair,then Flaca shut the water.

The former took a step back,thankful for the step being short enough to not get on their way and sat her back on it,after she had slipped a towel on it before getting in.

She wrapped Flaca in another towel,and let her dry herself as she did the same.

"Do you ever think about how it has already been a year?"

Flaca looked down at the wheelchair,gesturing at it, then back at her.

"Yeah,pretty stupid question.I know,love"

"I love you anyways,Maritza Ramos"

Maritza kneed down,totally uncaring of the floor being wet or being completely naked and kissed Flaca's nose.

"Just the nosey?Ya' tight woman"

"You're being pretty sarcastic woman today as well."

They dressed up;Maritza insisted she put the shirt on Flaca for science reasons,then basically flew out of the bathroom.

They were running short on time before count.

In light of the events as soon as she had come back,Maritza and Gloria had been allowed to swap boxes,so Flaca and Maritza were back to sharing like old times.

Flaca transferred to bed,before turning to look at Maritza.

"Are you gonna leave me here all alone,tonight?"

"I wasn't thinking of that...."smiled Maritza back at her.

"Not for a minute"

Maritza slipped out of her bunk and climbed behind Flaca on hers,spooning her and breathing into her hair,with some totally getting stuck in her nose.

She spluttered them out and laughed.

"Dios esas cosas nunca van a cambiar*"

"..."

"Flaca?Amorcito?(honey)"

She leaned on her elbow and looked down at her girlfriend.

Sure enough Flaca had fallen asleep,already.And as if it weren't enough,she was already snoring lightly as she used to,as she had dreamed of during the far days of solitary. Days which surely felt as a lifetime ago. 

She kept looking down,watching over Flaca's rest,as the prison slowly fell into silence only broken by a soft rain outside,washing away every doubt. Tomorrow was the day.Tomorrow they'd have been back home.

* * *

 

 Two buses stopped right in front of Litchfield at mid day. Unlike the night before in NY,not a single cloud could be spotted above Litch.

Maritza dropped down from the steps,and stopped quickly to look at the place.

From the outside it might not have looked different at all,but she could already spot the new guards and the entrance and everything had clearly been restored to it's original looks.

She turned around and climbed back up the steps to bring the folded wheelchair down and unfold it. She opened it,then turned a second time to get to the inmate who was helping her get Flaca off the bus. Together they managed to get her into the wheelchair,then the girl was off again as Maritza thanked her.

She pushed the wheelchair forward so that the others could've come down,and smiled,before kneeing to Flaca's ear.

"Welcome back home,Flaca"

Flaca beamed back at her

"Welcome back home Maritza".

Life was finally beautiful again.

 

* * *

_Five years later..._

Maritza leaned on the hood of her car as she waited.

She had been out for some months and life was definitely looking up.

5 years had gone by much faster than she could've expected. Much faster than she had thought when she had ended up in prison,and everything had begun.

She smiled as she saw the rays of the sun hitting the wheels.

Finding herself a job,trying to do things again had been hard. Nobody had truly wanted to give her a job,considering she had spent a decade in prison,then she had ended up sewing with Flaca's mother,something she counted to keep on doing,but the biggest choice she had ever made for herself had been going back to school.

She had enrolled at local college. The time she had spent as an OCA had made her feel great and she had realized she wanted to keep on helping people,as a nurse. Something so different from what she had ever done that Flaca had considered throwing her a party once they had both been out,and maybe get the diploma she had never gotten to get since she had ended up in prison before graduation.

Maritza had smiled and said it was enough to get her life back on truck,and the next best thing to have happened to her,after the woman she would've always loved,of course. Five years had never truly made her love decrease,not a bit. And not a day had gone by without them saying it to each other. Unless there had been no chance to hear each other on the phone.

"Maritza"screamed Flaca out of joy.

Said woman run towards her and kneed down to share a passionate kiss with her lover.

Flaca had had rehab for quite some time,but things truly hadn't changed. By now they knew the deal was permanent...so Maritza paid a little massage to her legs,as she had done till the last night they had spent together in Litchfield.

"Ahh you missed me right?"

"Chin(damn it,a bit like son of a bitch)I did. I love you"

"Yeah,I love you too,dork"

Maritza slapped her arm and said:"I'll take it as an offense"but was clearly smiling.

Maritza jumped for a few seconds then raced them to the car,with Flaca screaming and laughing,hands up in the air,the whole time.

"Help me?"

She slowed down and walked to the car opening the passenger's door,so that Flaca could climb off the wheelchair and slip in.

She folded in the chair and put it in the trunk,before climbing on the driver's seat.

Most of the people they knew where outside by now,so this time there was no turning back to look at it,but a surely tearful goodbye to a place which had been home for 10 years.

They got to the apartment in half an hour.

It was pretty tiny,but it was the best gift they had ever received. 

After Maritza had left prison she had seeked out her family once again. Now she was working on getting close to them again,but mostly getting closer to her daughter as well. She wanted her to be part of their lives,Maritza counted on giving her siblings.

It hadn't been easy at first,but Maritza had been given a chance to explain,and things were getting better,definitely.

The gift had come from her parents,and she had cried thankful for their forgiveness.It was all she had wished for ever since she had been taken from them.

There wasn't much of course.Whatever they had was still mostly in boxes,and Maritza hadn't had the heart to open much of anything without Flaca by her side to live through that beautiful moment.

"Welcome home,ruedillas"and it was wheelchair accessible.

"Your parents got taste Mari"

"That they do..."

She headed towards the bedroom and came back with a little box in her hands.

Maritza walked back to Flaca and kneed right in front of her,to look her straight in the eyes.

The latter smiled at her,still quite confused as Maritza grabbed her hand.

"I know...it hasn't been easy. When we first got together we were going through so much. I know I only got through all my issues because of you,and I want to believe that I helped make things easier for you..."

"You're pretty good nurse Ramos"

"Let me finish please?There's so much I need...to say"Flaca nodded.

She opened the box,showing a beautiful ring. A ring that Flaca would've surely recognized,since it was her mother's.

"Bien.The last five years have been the best of my life,which is a paradox..big word...considering we were in prison...but not a day has gone by without me being totally and madly in love with you. I know if I do this now I'm getting us stuck into a big deal forever,and not a day less,but hopefully it won't be a prison for either of us...Marisol "Flaca"Gonzalez will you make me the happiest free woman in the world and marry me?"

Flaca looked down at the ring and realized it was exactly what it was,and it was happening with a ring she knew pretty well.

She grabbed onto Maritza's hands.

"My mother's ring?"she said,squealing with joy and getting teary-eyed.

Maritza nodded.

"So?"

Flaca nodded as well,sobbing.

"A decade of prison yes,Ramos"

Maritza leaned towards her and they kissed passionately.

Maritza reasoned that love and marriage felt a bit like a bus,having to take a certain road each new day. Just that she was gonna be sitting into it with Flaca by her side,everyday,for the rest of her life.

The hazard of almost losing each other forever had made her sulk in that bus,made her bask into feelings she'd have liked to never feel again.

But when that night she found herself spooning Flaca,her fiancé,finally without anybody trying to stop her,in their bed,inside of their apartment,and free from what the last 10 years had been,she realized that there was no greater thing than being alive,healthy and finally boarding a bus to freedom. 

The world would've still been there when they had woken up,it would've been ready to throw curve balls at them,but they would've been ready.

Nothing came easily,and nothing was like it had ever been,but all their hardships had finally been turned to Grace.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *God,these things are never gonna change.  
> °The very last words of the fic might remind you of the song Grace(by Kate Havnevik),which is kind of the musical inspiration behind the fic. Unlike in the song,Flaritza managed to overcome all the issues and troubles,and gained out of losing,and now they finally get to lay calmly in each other's arms.

**Author's Note:**

> -I tried to join the two moments with a reflection about time from both sides,put in the regrets they might have,and tried also to balance short moments of hope with moments of pure despair.  
> -Yes I can't stop being sad about it.


End file.
